My mum is married to an emotionally abusive, angry violet bully (not my father).
She's even had to have part of her finger amputated as during one of his temper tantrums he slammed a door on her hand.
He has violent mood swings then acts as if it's all ok. Mum acts as if it's all ok once he's finished. For years I too acted as if it was normal to spend an afternoon walking on egg shells whenever I went over.
Anyway, since then I've had two DCs and I refuse absolutely refuse to visit. I explained upfront when my first was born why I wasn't going over. However mum slowly is trying to get me to visit, telling me that her h is changed etc etc.
I only go at Xmas to exchange presents. But already she's written me a letter asking why I don't go down with the children and has asked me over the phone to come over more often. I just smile and make noises but never commit.
Has anyone any advice? Do I need to explain it again to her? I suspect so but it's horrible. I feel like I regress to a nervous teenager with no confidence when talking to her about it. TBH I know that's what needs doing but I just needed to share. Thanks