Every year - why do I answer the phone...

[ByTheWay1]

had the annual phone call from mum - lives 700 miles away on a remote Scottish island - through choice..... I was raised there and I am not jumping through the travel hoops to get there in the winter (2 flights and a ferry) - we do that enough in the summer - she will not do the trip either, nor would we expect her to.

But... EVERY year there is something I can't do ANYTHING about that is going to spoil her Christmas - and by extension mine through guilt...

this year the heating has gone faulty - today.... so I get to sit and worry about her only to find out next week that everything will have turned out just tickety boo as normal every year and she will have forgotten to ring me (whilst never answering the bloomin phone when I ring to find out..) Six years in a row now... I only answer thinking it is her wishing us a merry Christmas etc...

She is doing this deliberately isn't she?

Aye.

I think it's a negative attention thing, if they get to hear concern in your voice and encourage a bit of chasing they feel loved. My dad does this, although sadly not just for Christmas.

Would you like me to get him to ring your mum with some tips for keeping it up throughout the year

For your own anxiety levels is there a nearby neighbour you can contact if your worried? Or call her bluff and ask her local police to check on her, bet she'll start remembering to call you back then.

Ha.... you made me laugh - could we just shut them all up in the same room and just leave them to it! ...

She gets off on making you feel guilty; it's a power trip.

If you stop feeling guilty and anxious, then she doesn't get the pay-off she's counting on, and it will gradually cease being worth her while to tell you these scare stories.

Just try a bright cheery "Oh dear that's too bad, but I'm sure you'll make it all right - you always do. Now, did I tell you about DC's school play/latest success/amusing anecdote?"

This time don't ring her chasing for an answer. She will call you if things are REALLY bad. Just stick to the thought that no news is good news.

Can you not ring her more often? It is absolutely fine for your mum to voice her worries especially if she doesnt speak to you often.

we do speak every week, but she just chooses the "special" occasions to be particularly unreachable - hey ho

some good advice though, I need to stop it getting to me.... I will try not chasing her to find out if things are ok.... probably get the "don't you care enough to call" line from her...

Sounds like your mum has form.

But not a bad idea to get her neighbour's nr. or email as you are so far away (and can't drop by on a whim).

Talking as someone with elderly parents here....

If you do get the 'Don't you care enough' line from her then maybe it's time to speak up. She'll then know you've cottoned on to what she's doing and it'll maybe embarrass her into stopping.

Enjoy your Xmas, you deserve to the same as others do. x

what a lovely thing to say dondon33 - thank you....... I have had a lovely day.....

Glad to hear it.