How can I support DP who is missing his estranged children at Christmas?

[friendlyanimal]

DP will be spending his first Christmas away from his children. They are grown up and will be spending Christmas with their Mother and her new partner. DP will be spending Christmas with me and my two grown up Children. He says he is very happy about this (and I believe him) but I can see he is touched with sadness when he thinks of his own children. It makes me so sad to see him unhappy.

Just lots of hugs and understanding.

If he needs to leave the room for a while, let him then go find him and give him a hug and support him. I am sure he is looking forward to it, but spending Christmas day with someone roses children may be hard for him.

I am assuming he hasn't done something awful to cause this.

Just be understanding.

His kids are adults, so even if he was still with their mother they wouldn't necessarily spend it with him (my adult dd spends her xmas with friends and I'm not offended) - but is this something else ? Does he keep in touch with his dc ? Can they not come round for a meal of something ? I hope you can find a compromise, and if something is wrong - then can you find a solution.

Thanks for good advice. No he emphatically hasnt done "something awful", on the contrary, he has always been there for the family despite the (soon to be ex wife) being very selfish and difficult for a number of years. I think I may have to warn my own kids that he may be upset. He gets on very well with them (which in a way makes his situation even sadder).

When you say estranged, what has happened? It makes it sound like they have chosen not to see him for some reason.

I hope this isn't what you meant, sounds very sad for all concerned.

x posts, but still. Is it their choice or do you feel the ex wife has made this situation occur?

Thanks, Flyoverthemistletoe. He has tried to keep in touch with his dc, but their Mother is very manipulative and makes them "choose between" their parents, has even threatened suicide over it. He has been reduced to sending them texts and cards but only gets a response from one of the dc and even then only when she wants something. I feel almost guilty that his relationship with my two dds is healthy and open and is starting to get affectionate (in a dd to new step parent sort of way).

Friendly - I have been there. My ex constantly said to the dc "I'm moving abroad" etc, hinted at suicide, basically acted like a twat. I never ever slagged him off, though found out later that he had told the kids alot of lies about me. Now both dc have cut him totally out of their lives. (Mind you - so have all his family, and all his old friends). I also have the issue that my dc's are very close to my dp. Now I see that as a bonus, so do my dc. Don't feel guilty - just have a lovely christmas.

Thank you for that, Flyoverthemistletoe, I'm glad things worked out for you and very reassured that "calm and normal" can triumph over "hysterical and mad". I really hope it will in our case! Hope you have a lovely Christmas too, you are very kind and wise.

Freindly - thanks (probably just old though !)