husband gone mad

[lilyiloveyou]

Please help anyone who is awake. Husband been a bit violent before but put up with it.
Foregive me, very upset. Tonight he came home and said he's been invited to a work party and i was upset, looking forward to having him here tomorrow night.
Said he was sorry and it was ok. But he was funny all evening and when we got home caught my wrist really hard and agressive. Said he loved me but iwas "always upset about small things". Scared as he has hit me before.
Daughter (9) upset by all this. They have now bopth gone to bed to leave me as i am "upset". Not her fault.
He has gone funny before. So hard to write this stuff...

violence tends to escalate as well, OP. It won't get better

I feel so sorry for your DD. She must be very anxious & feeling powerless knowing that she can't help you. She'll also be upset and confused that her Dad is acting this way. Don't believe him when he says he loves you or that any of this is your fault. If a stranger walked into your house and terrified you & your child that way you'd have no hesitation in calling the police. Do call Womens Aid and get their advice.

How are you today lily?

lilly - I hope you're doing ok? Your daughter must have been so confused: to see him grab you and talk to you like that, see you respond with fear, then to be told it was you who needed to calm down.

Having her perception of reality skewed like that is damaging

Oh love. He has not "gone funny", you know. This is who he is: he is a violent, abusive man, who uses fear to control you, makes it your fault ("mummy needs to calm down"), and is not remorseful.

He will never admit wrong. He will do it again. It will get worse. And your DD is watching all this and is learning that violence and abuse in relationships is ok.

Please call 0808 2000 247 (Women's Aid) or 0844 8044 999 (National Centre for Domestic Violence)

You and your DD deserve better than this. Please reach out to the help that is at hand.

This is a lot to get your head round, to undo the years of normalizing such behaviour and realizing that it is wrong, that it won't get better, and that the only thing you can do is leave. But you have the strength, and you can do it. Many of us on this board have, and we are here to hold your hand whenever you need it.