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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He lied to me..

24 replies

RileyTheLittleMonster · 21/12/2012 19:16

It's the second time its happened and its about the same girl. He hasnt cheated on me!

When I first got with him we were on and of for a year before had si when we did get together we were serious. He told me he got engaged to someone called Hollie. His best mates sister is hollie

The first time he lied is when I was a 12 weeks pregnant with my first. He was sat outside my collegw in his van with a girl named hollie when I asked if that qas the girl he said no I asked him her last name and he aaud he didnt no it.. and he also didnt no the girl he was engaged to last name. A few weeks later i found out the girl was his best mates sister.
She started acting weird and when I was 12 weeks she smacked her bag into my stomach. qas always horrid towards me and followed me . I tild him this and he said shes just horrid.

Since then i have lost 3 babies 23 and two at 6 weeks. We found iut we lost our last baby in Tuesday and had an operation yesterday. Just before my operation he decided to tell me he was engaged to his best mates sister. It really pissed me of, 1. Bad timing.2. How she trwated me when i was pregnant and he didnt do anything 3. I feel so so so stupid I didn't know! She knows he just told me so she's pribably laughing about it.

I don't know whether im over doing it, but i cant trust him and I feel heart broken he didnt tell me after everything we have been through. We've been together 1 year 3 months and most of that time his ex fiancee was always on my back!

Sorry if its ling and bad spelling on my phine.

Please help

OP posts:

Doha · 21/12/2012 19:19

He is unreliable and a liar.

Dump him now and ind yourself a decent partner for 2013

Original poster

RileyTheLittleMonster · 21/12/2012 19:29

I can't, I've been through so much with him. he said he was scared to tell me and that there wasnt a right time because of what ive been through. I told him maybe instead of being scared he should of considered how i was going to feel. The thing that gets me the nost is when she smacked me in the stomach when I was pregnant, and he didnt tell me! I could if avoided her!

OP posts:

Thisisaeuphemism · 21/12/2012 19:34

You've only been together a little over a year, you know he's been lying to you, yet you are wanting to have a baby with him?

Oh sweetie, this isn't going to end well.

bradywasmyfavouritewiseman · 21/12/2012 19:35

So you won't leave a man who has lied to you through your entire relationship.

Why was she in his van? Why did he tell you yesterday?
Why does she dislike you? hitting a pg woman in the stomach is the behavior of someone very hateful.
How do you know he hasn't cheated?

But you won't leave so what will you do?

JustFabulous · 21/12/2012 19:37

He told you he was engaged to someone else but you were seeing him? .

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts · 21/12/2012 19:39

All this in a year? You need to find some self-respect, realise this man is a waste of skin and walk away before you do any more damage to yourself. Just because you've been through a lot together that's no good reason to stick around.

FiercePanda · 21/12/2012 19:39

You can, and should, leave him.

What's so brilliant about being with someone who thinks it's perfectly fine to lie to you? Who watches his ex-fiancée slam her bag into your stomach and does nothing about it? Who only admits his lies when you're having an operation for your latest miscarriage?

Your life does not, and should not, revolve around him or any man. You deserve better.

Original poster

RileyTheLittleMonster · 21/12/2012 19:46

Justfabulous, sorry worded that wrong he was engaged to her for a year about 7 years ago.

Im not trying for a baby with him now, and ive told him I don't want him to propose to me. It's changed everything.

He treats me like a princess put as some of you said before i have doubts.. what if he has cheated on me? He said he never would becausese he has been cheated on and its a horrid experience. also my friend/his cousin was in the van with them to.

OP posts:

Doha · 21/12/2012 19:47

Rileythere is no such word as can't-what you are saying is you won't get rid of someone who really cares so little about you.

Your life to live--your mistake to make. I think you will stay with him but he will continue lying to you. You know that don't you

WhatALark · 21/12/2012 19:48

I'm sorry to hear you've been through three miscarriages in a year . I had a late miscarriage recently, and I know how tough it is. Please look after yourself . I hope you are being supported through this - it's so sad.

I honestly don't think the lying and deceit bodes well for your relationship. Sorry.

SorryMyCandyCaneLollipop · 21/12/2012 19:52

Please, please don't have children with this man. I know a year and three months may feel like a long time to be with someone and get to know them, but really it's the blink of an eye.

He has lied, you have stayed with him, (in his head) this has given him permission to carry on lying and his lies will get bigger and much more damaging.

Be grateful that you have only wasted 15 months on him, you can escape now instead of looking back in 5 years time thinking "Why did I stay with him?"

He is not a good partner and he will be even worse when faced with the pressures of fatherhood.

SorryMyCandyCaneLollipop · 21/12/2012 19:53

cross posted, glad that you are not planning on having children with him

Original poster

RileyTheLittleMonster · 21/12/2012 19:53

With how I feel right I don't know whether it will last. I know that trust is essential in a relationship, i just dont want to come to terms that he lied iver the same horrid girl twice!!!!!

Thank you whatalark its been over 8 months now, sorry to hear about your loss. It's horrible to hear about others going through the same [thanks[

OP posts:

AndrewMyrrh · 21/12/2012 19:55

Am I right in understanding that you have been with him for 1 yr 3 months, i.e. 64 weeks, and in that time you have miscarried three pregnancies, one at 23 weeks?

2 things - you have been through a lot, and need to take care of yourself to recover from all you have been through. I would suggest that taking care of yourself involves duvet days and staying away from this guy, he's not good for you.

Secondly, 3 pregnancies to this guy in such a short time suggests rushing things a bit. Is this what you really want, to have a baby with someone when the relationship is so new?

Original poster

RileyTheLittleMonster · 21/12/2012 19:57

sorrycandycane i was thinking last night I've let him of surely he will take advantage of me niw.

He told me him and hollie liked each other but didn't even kiss or have a relationship so going from that to engaged and shagging is big!

OP posts:

Original poster

RileyTheLittleMonster · 21/12/2012 20:01

Andrew our baby boy we lost at 23 weeks wasnt planned and I fell pregnant straight away in the relationship.

After losing him in April, he said he wanted to try again when im well so he suggested it.. he's older than me and is at that stage of wanting kids

OP posts:

JustFabulous · 21/12/2012 20:03

Just have a think about a time where you meet someone and it is all friendly and calm with no stress and worries about whether he has his hands on someone else. Then think about the drama you are getting with this person. Think about it.

bradywasmyfavouritewiseman · 21/12/2012 20:05

OP you said in your op that he said she was horrid, then that he liked her but never did anything.

he really is never going to tell you the truth.

Original poster

RileyTheLittleMonster · 21/12/2012 20:17

He said he didnt want to purpose to her, he told me what happened that he took her to the shop she picked it and he brough it and then put it on and that the ring cost 100pound- he wasn't working so inew it want expensive. I asked her brother and he said that's what happened.

I know we need to break u

OP posts:

TheSilveryTinsellyPussycat · 21/12/2012 20:29

You certainly do need to break up. He allowed himself to be shanghaied into engagement? If this is true, it doesn't paint him in a very good light. If he has lied, it suggests that, like the other times he lied, he finds it easy to do so, and thinks nothing of lying to keep you onside the peace.

cozietoesie · 21/12/2012 20:42

Riley, sweet

You've been saying that 'he hasn't cheated'. He has, of course - by his own admission, in nearly every way that counts.

You really deserve more than this. It's a difficult time of year to do it but I think you should put him right behind you and move on to a calmer place.

LessMissAbs · 21/12/2012 20:45

He told you he didn't know his former fiance's surname? And you believed him???

Original poster

RileyTheLittleMonster · 21/12/2012 20:53

I didn't, I just left it and waited for him to tell me.

OP posts:

cozietoesie · 21/12/2012 20:57

Riley

I lived with a liar for many years. It wears you down so much that there ends up being only a little nub of the real you left deep inside and it's real hard to come up from there. Trust me - it really is not worth it in the long run however raw you might feel at the moment.

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