Oh my goodness, all the red flags... I will highlight them for you:
He never talks to me or tells me how he's feeling (HE NEVER WILL). We argue a lot [this is called the 'power struggle' because you are trying to reach him and get him to talk to you, and he won't] and I feel like he's only with me/going through with (he is lazy and it is easier) the wedding because of our ds who is 10wks.
We were just watching a film called sidewalks of New York and at the end dp asked me to explain 'our love'
I was stuck and then said I love him more than anything but I feel our relationship is a bit crap at the minute which it is as we argue/ignore each other (passive aggressive withdrawal) a lot over silly things (power struggle), hardly have sex anymore (no intimacy, no connection because no talking which you CANNOT CHANGE), don't do things together or even little things like give each other massages (no mutual giving) which we used to do a lot and enjoyed.
I do try, I love him so much and make the effort to cook him something nice or ask him if he wants to watch a film together or something little like that (you try) and he just doesn't appear to appreciate me or the effort I make (rejection) (self-absorbtion). I sometimes wonder if he feels stuck and wishes he could get out of the wedding. Even more so now because of my answer to his question and then his reply was 'well cancel it then.'
It's like he's not bothered about how I feel (he isn't). I then said even though most of the time he's joking around he makes comments (emotional abuse, devalueing, undermining your self-esteem) about my weight (I'm a size 8 now and have a little muffin top but was size 6 and pretty skinny before ds) and it upsets me and I don't feel like he's attracted to me anymore. He said 'I'm sorry...I didn't mean to hurt your feelings' and then turned over and didn't say anything else. (meaningless apology to shut you up)
Now I'm crying on my own downstairs (like a knob) wondering what to do? (listen to your gut)
We go on great and did nice things for each other before ds was born but not now (why did you get pregnant? Was it an accident? What was his attitude?). I know most couples find it difficult being new parents so I just thought it will get better but he said what's the point in getting married when you don't think our relationship is good at the moment and you are hoping it will when we are married? (he is on to something there)
I did think it would get better as by then we wouldn't have the stress of arranging a wedding, Christmas, moving into a new home although currently living with my parents and with a 10wk old ds.
Will it get better? How do I get him to talk to me? (you can't. You never will be able to) I say how I feel and he doesn't appear that bothered he just goes silent (passive aggressive shut down) so then I wonder why I bother saying anything.
Please help with some guidance or anything really I'm lost
Nicole? I married someone like this, someone who was really nice when it was all nice but as soon as, like you, I needed support like yours he punished.
He doesn't want to be a father and he doesn't want to be a husband, I am sure just yet.
If you marry him you are signing up to lonliness and being cheated on. I am warning you! I was warned not to marry my H, that he would make me very unhappy and I am warning you now, don't ignore the above real problems!
Read Lundy Bancroft, should I stay or should I go? Please please read it. Don't sleepwalk into disaster.