Musing about platonic friendships

[AloeSailor]

I'm struggling to get my head round this at the moment, and would like some other view points. At the moment at work I have a male and female colleague who I get on with equally well who I met at the same time. Both are single, I've been happily married 15 years.
I've already been out partying with my female collegue outside of work, we text each other when not at work, and she comes to my house for coffee and so on.
My male colleague I've been holding back with because I'm married even though we get on very well and I'm not sure why. If he was female I would arrange to see him outside of work and he'd come to my house and we'd communicate when not at work.
I guess I'm worried about what my husband would think and what other people would think if they saw us outside of work together, but surely it should be no different?

I have found that while it is totally possible to hang out one on one with male friends and have it be platonic, it is only possible if:

• there is NO spark on either side, and
• there is NO sharing of personal, emotional stories as you would naturally do with a female friend one on one. That kind of sharing opens up emotional intimacy which you can't afford to have in a male-female friendship, if you want it to remain platonic, and not threaten anyone's marriage.

I don't understand the angst, tbh

Keep work colleagues as friendly acquaintances

I have enough friends to not need to make every person I work with into some sort of special "mate" particularly if it makes boundaries rather blurred

I totally agree with what you said on page 1 BOF

I have quite a few platonic male friends, but I do usually tend to socialise with them with my husband or other friends in tow; in couples or groups of friends. I have one male friend I sometimes see on my own, but when I got to know him it was as one half of a couple, plus we only have coffee or lunch. It would feel weird to go out alone for drinks or dinner....
One is a work friend, but I usually hang out with him in a group or with my husband who gets on really well with him.

Not sure why it would be weird... I guess I would worry someone would see us and get the wrong end of the stick