Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Some Honest MN advice needed please

21 replies

itcouldgoeitherway · 13/04/2006 12:58

Am a regular but changed name for this, will try and be brief; 3 years ago ex-boyf got in contact and we had an e-mail relationship. He eventually called an end to it because his wife found out.
All this time has gone by and I contacted him again out of curiosity, he has now replied, and neither of us have referred to the past or said how we feel, just niceties.
Should I ignore this and just forget about it now? Or cause myself a whole lot of truoble again?

OP posts:

waterfalls · 13/04/2006 12:59

Depends if he is still married............or if you are.

pepperpots · 13/04/2006 13:00

Are you both in relationships now? Did anything ever happen or was it just a friendly relationship emailing?

Piffle · 13/04/2006 13:00

So that would be an improper email relationship then?
Are you married?

expatinscotland · 13/04/2006 13:00

if either of you is attached, forget about it. it'll just end in tears.

Original poster

itcouldgoeitherway · 13/04/2006 13:02

yes we are both married

OP posts:

MillionDollarBaby · 13/04/2006 13:03

don't do it.. if his marriage survived the first and she found out again you can imagine the devastion.. you have read about it on here before now surely!

and are you in a relationship?

hunkermunker · 13/04/2006 13:03

Leave it. Walk away from the emails

pepperpots · 13/04/2006 13:03

Put yourself in your dh or his dw position how would you feel? Best to leave the past in the past imo

Piffle · 13/04/2006 13:04

if it is the kind of email relationship that oversteps basic fun friendship then leave it
But you won't do what we say will you?

Original poster

itcouldgoeitherway · 13/04/2006 13:04

thank you I already know the answer, just needed to be told over and over again!

OP posts:

LillyPink · 13/04/2006 13:06

but why is icgtow wanting this contact with the ex? Are you bored/arguing/fallen out of love with your dh?

MadameDeMars · 13/04/2006 13:23

whatever is going on in your own relationship... I think that you should leave him and his alone!

Original poster

itcouldgoeitherway · 14/04/2006 13:44

well I havent emailed yet, just holding off. Isnt it better to be friends than nothing, we have known each other since childhood and I'm not sure I can go forever with no contact.

OP posts:

shellybelly · 14/04/2006 13:49

Don't do it, imagine it was your hubbie and some ex was contacting him behind your back, how would you feel.....

monkeytrousers · 14/04/2006 14:08

You basically want a relationship without any of the hastles, like em, reality getting inthe way. It's very easy to feel strongly for someone who you only communicate with via the internet, to idealise them, to idolise them, and them you -

In cyberspace, nobody can hear you fart..

But it isn't real, the pain you will cause the people you really live with however, IS! Stop being a deluded fool. If you have problems in your life, are bored or whatever then deal with it on your own. Not sure you can go forever with no contact? Who are you Omar Sharif and Julie Christie. Grow up!

mosschops30 · 14/04/2006 14:10

i can sympathise with you icgew but you have to think of how many people you'd be hurting and whether you would be able to stay just friends (which I doubt)
forget this and move on with your life

cataloguequeen · 14/04/2006 14:36

You know you are playin with fire...

anorak · 14/04/2006 14:39

Picture yourself explaining to your children why mummy and daddy aren't going to live together any more. That should be good for keeping you focussed.

Rhubarb · 14/04/2006 14:59

If I was that unhappy with my marriage to be contemplating an affair of any kind (secret emails to ex is betrayal), then I would either go to Relate, if I wanted to save the marriage, or I would leave.

I would not cheat. You need to have more respect for your husband, your children, his wife and his children if there are any. Fine, if you left your husband and he left his wife, great, go for it! But cheating is the pits and solves nothing.

But you know that already. I wish you well in your relationship.

JoolsToo · 14/04/2006 15:16

what do you want to happen?

Caligula · 14/04/2006 15:20

I think you need to ask yourself why you're so fascinated by this bloke. If you and he were so involved, why didn't you end up together? And what's your relationship not giving you, that you need to carry on an e-mail relationship?

Rhubarb is right, when something like this happens, it's time to take stock of what it is in your own relationship that is missing - and work on that.

Flip