Would this bother you?

[lilacbaubles]

DP was out last night, the first time he rang me DD answered my mobile and brought it up to me in the upstairs sitting room. I left it there after we spoke. When he rang again later, we didn't hear it. He tried twice then, and again 20 mins later when I still didn't hear it but DD did. I didn't reach it in time, but rang him back immediately. When he answered he said "What's the point in having a phone if you don't answer it?" He has said this once or twice before, I don't like it and should have said so. I was taken aback and after a moment said "I'm here now, what was it you wanted?" He was cross and said it didn't matter, he'd see me at home. He was still cross when he got home and left without a word this morning.

He knows I'm exhausted and stressed this week (ludicrous end of term schedule) and we are looking forward to the next two weeks off work together. He thought I had been rude, but I thought his remark was rude and said so last night. He never usually makes me feel like I'm at his beck and call, but I did when he said that! I was busy with the DDs and had he rung the home phone one of us would have heard and answered it. I am not about to start carrying my phone around the house on the offchance someone calls me.

He is being strange, you are at home so he should call the house phone.

It would bother me. There's no reason to get shirty with someone just because they don't pick up the phone straight away. He thought you had been rude??... Something is not right with this picture.

After you'd spoken to him the first time were you expecting him to cal again? If so, you should have taken the trouble to keep your mobile by you. If not, he's being unreasonable to expect you to keep a mobile by your side at all times when you're at home and he can make contact on the landline.

But don't expect him, or anyone else for that matter, to be a mind reader. Instead of telling you 'thought his remark was rude', tell him face to face how his remark made you feel - and get over it because life is far too short to waste on petty crap like this.

Have you ever had words with him about him not calling you when he's out? I only ask because I would never get cross with someone not answering their phone when I call them, but I have said your DP's exact words to an X of mine once when I was much younger. He was a controlling needy type and merilly manipulated me into calling him every day, thus taking up half of my lunch hour. Then he'd become 'unavailable', which made me cross because it was at his insistence that we'd set up the bloody habit in the first place! Needless to say, he's an X.

I have a couple of cordless house phones that are always disappearing down the back of the sofa or ending up where they're not supposed to be. Often miss calls when I can't find the buggers. :) If anyone started getting ratty with me for being a bit slow to pick up I'd be appalled.

My DP used to get utterly enraged by me not answering my phone. I never hear it ringing.
He practically used to boil over with temper about it. Six years on and he has finally got used to having to ring me three or four times before he gets an answer. That's if I've actually remembered to take my phone out with me and not left it on the kitchen side.

Hmmm.... bit controlling maybe?

Had exactly this conversation with DH recently.
Him: I phoned your mobile 3 times, why do you have it if you never answer?
Me: sorry, zi didn't hear it, I was upstairs. Wy didn't you phone the house phone?
Him: oh, forgot about the house phone....

It seems to me that the one who's in control in these situations is the one who's not answering the phone, queen. Is that what you meant?

I have said this to DH once - mainly it's because he's always got his bloody phone on him, but he turns it to silent and then forgets he has, I call him from somewhere needing his help with DS while he's at home relaxing, and then he doesn't bloomin' hear it.

I've only said it to his voicemail while stressed about the thing I needed him for, urgently, right then. . . I do so hope I'm not controlling!

do you think youre both just a bit stressed and over reacting? I can understand your point but he has over reacted. He should not have carried on with it this morning. Probably a misunderstanding in the first place.

My DH says this to me.

Its true though, I never hear my phone

Getting annoyed when someone doesn't answer is forgivable if it's urgent, and you're stressed. (Though I personally might look askance at it.) If it's not urgent and you're not stressed, it's just rude IMO.

He was cross and said it didn't matter, he'd see me at home. He was still cross when he got home and left without a word this morning.

^ That, I don't like the sound of. Does he often do this? I call that a huge overreaction. Unless something else is going on.

Why couldn't he have just sent you a text to ask you to call him when you had a minute? That's what DP and I do.

my EXP used to expect me to answer the phone every time he called. he just didn't think that i might be busy, or not hear it or be out without it or not get to it in time. he got irrationally pissed off if he called and i didn't answer.

I have a friend like this. Gets very shirty if I don't answer my phone to her, often leaves indignant voicemails along the lines of "you're so crap at answering your phone!" (as if she's forgotten that I have two young DCs and they tend to take priority). She is generally rude, though, so I think she's the same with everyone else.

DP rang me after work and we talked for ages. No apologies on either side, but everything ok. I don't want to drag it all up again but I will say to him that I don't want him to say that to me any more, because it makes me feel like he is making demands (which, to be fair, he never does, but we both have a history of EA relationships before we got together and we can both be oversensitive at times).

Thanks all :)

Just tell him to send you a text next time and you'll get back to him.
also keep them spidey senses polished

Sending a text isn't going to be of much use if the OP doesn't hear or check her phone CP. The solution is to tell him to call on the landline if she doesn't answer her mobile.

Ah but she said he'd done this before so ner.

This is why I hate phones! I rarely hear mine. I don't have voicemail. I hate talking on the phone.

Text me and we'll talk face to face.

I've never had an emergency phone call. Not once. Never.

He wouldn't like me very much then. If I'm home my mobile is OFF. (Actually, if I'm out it's usually off too, as I have a memory like a... thing that doesn't have a memory.)

me either stargirl. i also hate talking on the phone. text and i'll either ring you if necessary or text you back.