Any Stately Home People About? Hand Holding Please

[CreepyLittleBat]

Hi All,

Sorry this will all seem extremely trivial and confusing if you haven't read my posts on Stately Homes thread - suffice to say my parents are very verbally and emotionally abusive towards me and dh, and after a horrible phone call a couple of weeks back, I stopped answering the phone, texts etc. My mother has texted me again today all nice-seeming (I think she is storing up these 'nice' texts for some future leagl confrontation) asking to come and see us for ds's birthday and bring him presents. Without going into detail, they singularly failed to protect ds on a past occasion which is why I stood up to them in the first place. I panicked and replied with 'you made it very clear on the phone that you don't want to see us. I can not have that behaviour around my children'. Cue a phone call, which I didn't answer. Just sitting here upset and scared now. I've been at home with my toddler all week with the chain on the door, scared that they'll burst through the door demanding to see the dc. I don't know what to do, but it would really help just to know people are out there who understand. Thank you! Supposed to be taking the dc out for Xmas treat this afternoon and hoping I can hold it together

Thanks so much everyone. I know compared to what some people are facing it is very minor, but I just need to get through this week really, and you are helping so much.
AnAir I have got (and thank heavens for) caller ID. This means that I can answer business calls without a shaking voice. If it weren't my business line, I'd have changed it I will look into the costs of changing locks, as on the way home tonight I would myself up into thinking they might be sitting there in my house.....shudder. The script is an excellent idea. I already have scripts for loads of things, like business calls!

Lemony thankfully they don't know anything about ds's party so I think that will be ok. Unfortunately I tried to get their number blocked on my mobile - no dice apparently. When I can afford it, I will get a new phone.

PepperMince thank you for squeezing. I have always been the black sheep/bad guy. Hey-ho. My biggest breakthrough was realising 'it's them not me!'

If they don't know about DS party and it's not at home. Can you ask a friend to use there house as a base for the day?

Sounds like lots of good advice here so I have little to add, just popping on to give you my support. The unspoken menace in a phone call can be so subtle and so frightening, not 'minor' at all. Good for you for standing your ground.

I can't help you, but am going through a horrible situation with my very demanding and manipulative mother, which I think will end with us cutting all contact, at least for a time and I just wanted to say I totally understand how horrible it is and that feeling of terror they can create in you. xxx

You don't need to change your phone love - just contact your provider & ask for a new number - they'll send you a new PIN

Not a PIN a SIM!!! Lol

Just updating while dc are busy! I was woken up by a phone call from mother this morning. They had ds's presents loaded in the car and would we be in - as if nothing had happened! Repeated that I couldn't have their destructive behaviour around my dc and was met with the usual denial that anything ever happened. I said that I do not want to see them and would not open the door to them. This went round ad round for 15mins. In all this time she did not once ask after the dc. There was another call after I ended that one, but I didn't answer it. I feel so sick and shaky.

Thank you all for your support - it is a great comfort when I'm alone and feeling bad.

Well done for standing up for yourself. Sorry you had to ((hugs))

Congratulations not just for standing your ground during a 15 minute call, but also for not picking up the second call. That is just as much of a statement of your boundaries.

I know the sick and shaky feeling, but it gets a lot easier with practice: you survived the confrontation (and acquitted yourself well!), so now you know you have less to fear from whatever they may try next.