Sisters Housemates

[SugarMouse1]

My younger sister is 21 and at uni.

She is so miserable and thinking of dropping out because of her housemates (well 2 of them, specifically).

It is a private rented house from an agency, so not uni accommodation.

Basically, one housemate one, lets call her Tessa, is very bossy and domineering. Has told dsis that she cannot (ever) have the heating on, cannot use this, cannot do that, must wash her clothes only on a cold wash, not take more then 10 minutes in the shower and writes notes if anyone leaves a lightbulb on for a few minutes?!

It is difficult for others to stand up to such a domineering person.

Her and another girl regularly bring drunk people to the house all the time (which is normal student behaviour tbh) but some of this girls' friends have been so loud and out of control the police have been called by neighbours.

She also invites people to sleep in the communal areas overnight without saying anything, so Dsis feels unable to go and use the kitchen early before uni/work.

Unfortunately, she is tied into a contract and can't get out of it.

Can't get out of it or would lose money if she left?

I don't think there's a contract on earth that compels you to remain living somewhere, just that there are financial penalties for moving yourself out of there!

What would her liability be? Could she look for a replacement for her in order to transfer that liability over?

tell her to find someone else to take her room on and then she is free to move out and move on!

One of my student housemates refused to let us have the heating on. All my clothes went mouldy from the damp. He didn't give a shit.

I spent most of the year living in DH's toasty warm house. Ex-housemate had very few friends because he was a knob.

I know this doesn't help your sister that much but seriously, if she can get out of it at all please tell her to do so. Her health, safety and studies are at risk. This housemate is unlikely to have a complete personality change.

I think this is a battle your sister has to fight and resolve herself, rather than you doing it for her. Agree with the others that moving out and either taking any financial penalty or finding a replacement is something she has to look at. In the meantime, she has to be a lot more assertive and not simply throw over her uni career because of a few difficulties. It's character-building...

Bear in mind that if she's in a contract, so are the others - and it would be interesting to see what its terms are with regard to behaviour eg having the police called for unruly behaviour at the very least. If she hasn't got a copy, get her to seek one from the managing agents. It might give her some leverage.

Tell your sister to go to see student support / well being services or the student union advice centre (they are independent from the uni itself and if her union has one I'd go to them first) and explain the situation - with emphasis on the fact that she's considering dropping out of uni. The last thing uni's want at the moment are students dropping out.

They will be able to help/advise her and often can get her into uni accommodation temporarily. This is a bullying and up to a point a personal safety issue (strangers on floors and feeling vulnerable) and they will act on this sort of thing.

Hope she gets it sorted. People really can be horrible at times.

Hope she gets

I agree with Name she should go and talk with student support, they are very good with things like this.

She should also contact the agency that she rents from and tell them all of the inapropriate things that are going on and that she really hates living there and is considering dropping out of uni because of it.
They may be able to help.

Your Sis should also consider posting flyers around uni asking if anyone wants to do a room swap,
Chances are only people in similar situation will reply, but she may find something better than what she has now.

The trouble is- she would be forced to keep paying the rent anyway if she moved out.

Also, it would be hard to find a replcement at this point in the term.

And, I doubt very much anyone else would take the room- its the size of a cupboard and expensive for what it is.

She didn't want that room incidentally- but one of the others pressured her into having it

By the way, you might advise her to remove from her room (over the Xmas holidays) anything of sentimental or financial value such as family photos, good jewellery, etc etc. Perhaps you could store them temporarily in a cupboard in your own house?

Not only is it a good idea to remove decent stuff if she's faced with drunken strangers being brought into the house (and I'm not even going to go into the personal safety issues that that raises because that might make her feel even worse) but it doesn't half make you feel stronger about dealing with a bully if you have no 'hostages' around the place.

No SugarMouse1. It completely depends on the reason why she moved out. If she has a real personal safety issue or if the other flatmates are being completely unreasonable in terms of the lease, she shouldn't be liable.

Ask her to get a copy of the lease if she hasn't already got one.

i think rather than arguing about putting the heat on or leaving a light on she should just do it, as aruging her 'case' only feeds the other girl's delusion that your sister needs her approval to leave on a light.

It won't be pleasant though. i'm sure it's not in the contract that she cant put on a light.

If she did move out, I reckon it would be more likely that they found some other sap to take the room than to go all legal on your sister over a box room.

This is one of those life experiences uni is so good for giving you. Is she being melodramatic or is she genuinely so unfocused and uncommitted to her future that she'd consider dropping out of uni over this?

No to phoning the landlord. They don't care. At the end of the day she may well be liable for everyone's rent, not just her own.

Best solution is to advertise for a short term let, risky as she may be exposed if the subletter fails to pay. Or she can move out and suck up the cost of an additional rent but stuff her evil housemates so they have to pay her share of bills.

Also think she should sit down with the housemates and say what her grievances are. Try and talk it out like adults.

She's on a hiding to nothing over the floor dwellers. Every shared housemate I ever lived with occasionally had a friend back, or a party, as did I. She just needs to choose her housemates more carefully next time!

Named etc are right she needs to get a copy of her lease and go and talk to the student union advice centre.

I used to volunteer for ours, our paid adult staff councillor was lovely.

Check the contract and see what it says about unacceptable behaviour... Call the landlord and maybe the bossy girl will be asked to leave

Personally I would ensure the landlord knows about the drunks and the police being called. Your sister may find her friend is turfed out. Especially if people start complaining to him/ letting agent/ council.

Actually I would tell her to fuck off. But I don't think your sister sounds the type to do that.

Thanks everyone for your replies

Brandy- My sister would tell her to go shove the lightbulb up her arse, but the trouble is the 4 other girls tend to either take her side or sit on the fence and let the bossy girl have her way. Just one-on-one its much easier to stand up to someone, ifyswim.

Also, one of the girls (a nicer one), now has her boyfriend permanently living there, and nobody has ever said anything to him about paying a share of the bills. If the bossy girl is so worried about money, I'd have thought that would be the obvious thing to do.