Hi all. Have need to vent as im not in a good place right now. Im being mentally pulled both ways.
Me and ex split 5 weeks ago.i couldnt take his controling nature any more. Bringing up his 2 dcs(toddler and baby) alone plus my 2 girls 9 and 11. He hasnt seen or had any interest in dcs all this time (but made sure he got his expensive items straight away)
Good things about him.
Never knew a man work so hard for his family
was always there for me
never cheated
helped around the house
took kids out/let me have lie ins etc
brought me gifts
believed he loved me(but something wasnt right)
When we first met we had lots of fun times/holidays. He told me he loved me . His face said the same and i believed him. He said he never met anyone like me!
But
when we were on holiday for the first time (he had moved in by then) things got weird.he told me he was a spiritualist, said he could see auras around people ,
i remember having a dream or what i thought was a dream while he was lying next to me where i was paralised and needed to wake but couldnt. I wasnt actually asleep and i couldnt move or open my eyes there was a weird face right above me. This dream i believe was some kind of warning.
Odd/wrong things about him
controling
arrogant
denial to wrongdoing
quick to temper(if personally critisised in any way)
Terrible with money.. Couldnt save
Verbally abusive to my older dcs
selfish
Lied about trivial things to make himself look good
He scared me
he didnt want me to go out at night with anyone but him
past history of dv towards other girlfriends but denys everything with a great story of how bad they are
ihe was in care from being a baby and a mum who couldnt give a monkeys.
His constant aim in life seemed to be keeping face. He was always smart for work and i believe it was his make up as were we. If he looked good and had his possesions(us) it went well to hiding a dark nature .. His real self.
Nothing to him could be worse than confrunting and letting others find out who he realy is.
And now hes gone im in limbo looking over my shoulder as i dont know where he lives and im afraid this xmas he will come out of the woodwork stressing his love for his children
i know the real him.. The him i blocked because i loved and still love his pretend self. I miss his pretend self so much but i know he is a fake.
Sorry for ranting i just needed to write this down.