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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is this normal?

16 replies

noodlegirl · 12/04/2006 22:58

My Partner uses the train alot but the last time he came home with some womans mobile number, he said he'd met her on the train (so at least I didnt just find it, he did tell me about it), he said they'd been talking and he'd helped her with her bags but is it really normal for him to go and get her mobile number?? they were then txting each other and he told her we would go to her pub on the saturday night (despite us making other arrangments!) and then went in a mood when I said I didnt want to go and text her to say he couldnt make it afterall... is this normal??

OP posts:

alexsmum · 12/04/2006 23:02

no it's not normal.these are the actions of a single man.
you need to nip this in the bud NOW.

emmawill · 12/04/2006 23:04

Hopefully it is inocent but I wonder what he would of thought if you came home with some guys number?! Personally I would kill my dh if he did that as if it is inocent and she wants you and your dp and her and her dp to met up then they probably are a pretty sad couple with no friends!! Well would you give your number out to just anyone???!!!

busybusybee · 12/04/2006 23:08

NoodleGirl - I dont want to panic you but My dh has a habit similar but not the same to this

We are now in the process of separating

I think you need to get to the root of why he did this - Making new friends is great, but texting another woman is not

I hope things work out for you

Flum · 13/04/2006 00:32

but he wanted you to go as well. its not particularly weird.

Flum · 13/04/2006 00:34

difficult. but my bestmate is a bloke and we are always texting each other. my dh doesn't care and nor does his dw.

alexsmum · 13/04/2006 00:39

but how long have you known him? if your dh came home now and started and texting some woman he's just met on the train, wouldn't it be different?

maturer · 13/04/2006 09:50

sounds like he's playing with fire and maybe needs that pointing out. he was probably flattered by getting on well with this woman and her wanting to give him his mobile number- he's no doubt being defensive now as he KNOWS he can handle it- it won't get out of hand- he's only meeting a froend after all...............that's kind of how my dh ended uo in a full blown affair with a work colleague- started as just good friends. He now can see how in his mind at the time he had a niggle it wasn't right to meet her for a drink etc and he thought an affair- no way otu of the question way over there not going there but each little step towards over there was in his mind just that, another little step, he could handle it- turns out he couldn't before he knew it the next little step was sex!!!
Ask your dh to imagine you meeting up with a guy in the same situation-he won't like it- if he says otherwise he's lying!!!
Make him put a stop to this now- or insist you go with him to make friends with this woman- if she's his friend she needs to be yours too.

Original poster

noodlegirl · 13/04/2006 21:57

Another thing....

A few weeks ago he sold some alloy wheels to a woman (he works in a shop which sells car parts) and then...got her mobile number!

He's been texting her ever since asking how she is, what she's upto etc etc and from reading these txts (I know I shouldnt but he gives me reason to be suspitious!) he is chasing her like mad and she really isnt interested if her replys are anything to go by. (he never told me about this woman btw other than saying he'd sold a "gorgeous girl" some wheels... he never mentioned that he had her number etc, I found that out myself.

Could it be that he is just "over friendly"?

Personally, I think he's insecure and likes to grasp every bit of female attention he can get...sadly this means I dont really trust him.

Tell me I'm wrong...?

OP posts:

Dior · 13/04/2006 21:59

I think you are stringing us along. If not, you know the answer.

Original poster

noodlegirl · 13/04/2006 22:01

stringing you along? why?

Some people seem to think I'm being overly paranoid and my 'paranoia' was a massive part of my breakup with my ex so naturally Im worried that its happening again. The texts with this woman were also alongside texts from his ex girlfriend saying things like "sorry, I just needed someone to talk to" and "are you back yet honey?" etc.

OP posts:

Dior · 13/04/2006 22:04

Well, and I'll assume that you are genuine for two minutes, your man is either immature or crass. Tell him that you don't appreciate his attitude and to eff off if he can't be more respectful.

With regard to jealousy...I don't think you are being unreasonable. He sounds a twat.

cataloguequeen · 13/04/2006 22:08

No noodle, you are not!

He is def. playing with fire as mat said, he's acting like a single man... collecting womens numbers..texting them! wtf I not suprised you are checking his phone I certainly would!

You have to tell him how this is making you feel (not during and arguement if poss.)how would he feel if you were doing the same???

It's true all men need their egos stroked, but only you should be doing the stroking!!

jellyjelly · 22/04/2006 08:50

tHIS IS not normal and sounds like he wants to be fancy free. My dp was a ladies man, very cocky and could get most girls if he tried but he has never done anything like this before and i dont think he will.

Good luck

lulabelle · 26/04/2006 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pebblemum · 27/04/2006 00:17

I would tell him this has to stop or he leaves. He may see it as just a laugh, nothing to worry about but having been in a similar situation myself i know how much damage it can do to a relationship. He wouldnt like it if it was the other way around.

My dh started receiving texts from some 'woman'(term used loosely) when ds2 was about 2wks old. He claimed he hadnt cheated, they had just kissed on the cheek after he had helped her get into her house after she lost her keys. Whether that was true or not it was obvious from the texts the girl wanted more, she also knew about me and our new baby as in several of the texts she had mentioned us (not in a friendly how are they way either). Also dh claimed he was flattered by her attention as he was feeling neglected by me but seeing as i had just given birth ffs i didnt think that was a good enough excuse to have some other womans number. 2.5years on i still check his mobile now and again even though i know deep down he will never do it again. He came very close to losing us the first time and he knows that next time he will be out on his ear. I hate that i dont trust him as much as i used to and I hate that he did that to us during what was suppposed to be a happy time.

I think your dp needs to get his priorities right, he is with you, he is not available, its about time he put as much effort in your relationship that he does in texting these other women. If he wont stop, or doesnt see anything wrong with what he is doing then i would tell him where to go. You deserve better!

JVickers · 27/04/2006 08:08

OMG, I would be furious! When he told you he had got some womans mobile number how did you react? Perhaps he believes its okay with you. Let him know it isn't and ask him how he would feel if you were coming home with blokes mobile numbers and were texting them?

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