keeping something from your dh

[findmeintheflowerbed]

Went to see the GP yesterday and, after months of not feeling right, have been prescribed anti depressents and put on list for CBT.

DH has no idea and i feel terrible that I've kept it from him. He retained last year, went back to uni full time and so got no time off when our DS was born. We also had a 19mo DD at this time.

I pretended everything was fine when it was not and everyone always says how they don't know how i cope with a 14mo and a 2yo. Well...i don't.

So this will come as a.massive shock for him. He's been so busy with work, brings it home every evening, got a big meeting this week which he will be assessed for etc etc. I haven't felt like i should distract him.

I feel awful that i have kept it from him. He's got every right to be piused off hasn't he?

Will it really come as a massive shock? If you've not been feeling right for a long time, he must have noticed unless he's entirely self-absorbed. If his reaction is to be 'pissed off' that you're unwell then he's not a reasonable man. Lesson learned.... don't be a martyr in future?

Oh he won't be pissed off. He will be concerned - but the good thing is you have got help by seeing the GP you will start to feel
Better xxx

Cogito - good point re being a martyr...he's said it to me in the past

I suppose i'm feeling guilty and don't want him to feel bad for not being available.

No he hasn't got every right to be pissed off though he may feel sad or guilty that you have borne this on your own for so long - just tell him

Definitely tell him. He hasn't a chance of helping you if you don't say what's going on.

You could try saying that you've thought for a while that something was wrong and so went to the doctor and this is what is needed now. That explains why you didn't tell him earlier. Have you thought about any specific help you would like from him now?

Why on earth do you feel guilty about being sick? Do you think women/mothers/wives are meant to be superhuman, bullet-proof, impervious to germs, immune to stress? Did your own mother never take a day off ill?

I'm a single mum and I often feel that I can't afford to get sick.... but I get sick anyway. No point pretending it isn't happening because all it means is that I stay sicker for longer and the problem drags on. Lose-lose.

A marriage is a partnership.... Unlike me, you're lucky to have a second adult to provide support. You support him, he supports you... that's the way it should?

Stella - i think i just need him to understand, and be more available for me...So, i need to talk to him.

Cogito - my mum had live on help.

Agree that marriage is a partnership. I know he would be there for me if i asked. He's needed me a lot in the past few years.

Live in help

Well, there's a good chance he will understand now that you can tell him what the doctor has said. It might be a relief to him if he has been quietly worried about you (for I agree that it's likely he's spotted something is up and also that he's not quite known what it is and what to do about it). And improving communication, which includes working together on the Bad Stuff, should help enormously. I wish you well in your healing.

Thanks Stella

Do you think, if you'd admitted that you needed more help from your husband earlier, you wouldn't actually be at the stage of needing medication and therapy? Isn't that also something to take from this experience i.e. ask for help when you need it rather than bottling up thinking you're doing others a favour? Put yourself #1 priority in your life.

Yes, i'm not a big talker. Something to work on most def.

Why on earth do you feel guilty about being sick? Do you think women/mothers/wives are meant to be superhuman, bullet-proof, impervious to germs, immune to stress?

Wise words! Its hard to ask for help and its fine if you do x

In my experience men quietly worry about things they can not fix.

They are practical souls, they want to offer a solution. If the only solution they can see is made very difficult by work or circumstances, they will carry one quietly worrying.

By going to the GP and getting help you've done the one practical thing your DH, probably wouldn't dare suggest.

Thus you may find talking to him a lot easy than you suspect.

If his reaction is to be pissed off, then there is something wrong with him.

There has to be give & take in a relationship (and not all him taking and you giving!). You need to acknowledge your needs and not put his stuff ahead of your own all the time.

It's great that you have sought help, well done. That's not an easy thing. Make sure you look after you .

Tell him. I have bipolar disorder and thought I was 'hiding' it from my family for months. I wasnt. It turns out they were all extremely worried about me. Now that they know (I have also told a few close friends) I have a better support system.