sharing a journal

[feelingemotional]

After a recent "down" in our very long and happy marriage (which is now being resolved thankfully) I started keeping a journal where I just worte down everything I was feeling and why. I have been writing furiously for a week now and have held nothing back. Although DH is trying really hard to rectify the issues that we had I am still not certain that he fully understands what led to them in the first place.

Part of me thinks that we should just keep talking and that eventually all the issues and the reasons will be discussed. But part of me wants him to fully understand NOW and not with snatched talks when the children are in bed or between commitments. I can't decide whether to share the journal with him or if I should keep it private for me to reflect on?

I wouldn't share it yet, have a good long think and meanwhile keep writing it.

I take the view that personal journals/diaries are private and only to be scrutinised/published after one's death, albeit that carefully selected extracts/snippets can be shared with those who may have a particular interest or find amusement in a matter that's been noted in writing.

If you want him to full understand NOW why are you writing stuff in a book rather than talking? Why can you only not hold back on paper, why not in person? What are these 'commitments' you're between that are more important than dealing with marital problems.... why can't they be cancelled? Whether you show him the notes or not is irrelevant. Keeping your feelings private runs utterly counter to resolving a problem about feelings.

There is nothing in the journal that I haven't said to him already - its just more detailed. Commitments are work and children of course - it would of course be lovely to drop everything and just talk but thats not realistic and the most time we get to talk is late at night when we are both knackered after a long day at work.

The journal is more free flowing and uninteruppted by tears and apologies etc etc - nothing is more important to me than our marriage but sadly we can't just drop work at the busiest time of year to talk for hours on end. We are already more knackered than ever from lots of highly emotional talking late into each night as it is.

Sorry, but you are setting your work up above your marriage at the moment. Of course you're knackered if you're burning the midnight oil sobbing/arguing/whatever together. No job is that important. Take a day off and talk to each other when you are feeling fresh and constructive rather than ratty and stressed. Work will still be there the next day.

And there are things in the journal you haven't said i.e. the details. When going for openness, private journals and secret thoughts are not the way to improve understanding.

Taking a day off isn't an option for me. we both have some time off over christmas though so that will help.