Need to know I am doing the right thing....

[TashaHall]

Just over 2 weeks ago I split up with my violent partner for the sake of our 6 month old daughter. I am very up and down at the minute, one minute I am crying as I still have feelings for him and the next I cant stand him. Although the violence wasn't every week the last incident I had to go to A&E. We would always row over money if I wouldn't give him any and due to him smoking weed he was very jealous. Since then he is adamant he has changed and me leaving has made him realize how much he loves me and that he has been wrong. He has also asked me to marry him, however he got me arrested Friday for a pack of lies..

I am doing the right thing by leaving him aren't I.?

YES - trust your instinct!

You are definitely doing the right thing! He got you arrested?!?

YES
You would be doing a VERY WRONG THING to get back with him
Just no. Stay strong.

Yes, he called police and said I threatened to pour petrol over him and set him alight and also brick his mums windows. This is what his family are like, now I worry about what will happen when he really realizes im not coming back. It is so hard I have been with him nearly 6 years, since I was 16.

Oh you poor thing. You are absolutely right to get away from this worthless man, but make sure you access all the support you possibly can: it is going to be hard given that you met him when you were still a child yourself and have not had the chance to grow up properly - but you can do it, you can make a good life for yourself and DD away from him. Talk to Women's Aid and see if you can get on the Freedom Programme. Best of luck.

Thank you all

As you said in your original post its for your daughters sake, keep reminding yourself of that. I know it must be really hard for you but stay strong. We are here for you. x

Oh god yes, yes you are sdoing the ONLY thing.

It will get easier. Other women, most women don't live like that. They are loved, respected, admired, trusted and cherish.

You will be too. But first you have to find a way to get back to you, to love yourself, forgive yourself and understand that none of what happened was ever your fault.

Have you read Why Does He Do That? It is a fabulous book, really helps you get the dynamics of what has happened to you.

There is a fabulous support thread on here Support for those in Emotionally Abusive relationships, you'll be among those that understand your past.

Did you have him arrested for the violence that caused you to go to A&E?

How did he manage to have you 'arrrested for a pack of lies'? What's happened about that; are you on bail?

Btw, you have done absolutely the right thing in leaving him and you will be doing the wrong - and very dangerous - thing if you go back.

Keep a picture of DD on you at all times. Look at it when your resolve weakens and ask yourself, 'is this what I want for her?'

You are doing the right thing.

I could have written your post myself, from being together from our teens to the smoking weed. It took me 7 years to leave but 2 years on it was the best thing I ever did. Stay strong, access as much help as possible from women's aid, your go or your health cisitor.
Pm me if you want someone to talk to that understands.

You are absolutely 100% doing the right thing.
You do not want to be married to a cunt.

Please call women's aid- they will provide support for you from finding a solicitor (v.much needed) and getting you physically safe to offering emotional support to get you detached from this waste of space.

Trust yourself

God yes!!!!

Yes you have done the right thing.

Does he know where you are living now? Do you feel like you might be in danger from him?

Yes you are doing the right thing, for you and your DD. you don't want her growing up thinking that kind of behaviour is normal and is what "love" is, and ending up in an abusive relationship herself. Stay strong, get help from women's aid and citizens advice, things will get better. The marriage proposal is a control thing, a desperate attempt by an abuser to hold onto his victim, you. Don't believe a word he says.

You will be fine if you can stay away from this horrible excuse for a man. Lots of support on here, sending you love and hugs.

I got no further action from police, thankfully. No at the time I didn't get him arrested but have since made a statement about all that has happened, he also go no further action as i didn't report it at the time. I am getting a non molestation order out on him though. I have had to go back to parents as he is in out flat, I can go to a refuge which isn't ideal as it can be anywhere in the country and i don't feel like i could cope being so far away from family.