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Original poster

Can I do FWB?

16 replies

MrsVandekamp · 18/12/2012 16:45

A bit of background... DH left me and 2 DCs in the summer. I was heartbroken, he was a complete twat but we seem to be getting along fairly well at the moment.
I've had a couple of meltdowns over the months which have been met with firm rejection from DH, so I've had no choice really but to start moving forward.

So I've been on a date with a lovely man who works in the same industry as me (we don't work together!) and prior we had been texting all week all day long and have been getting on lovely, a bit of flirting and lots of banter!

Anyway on our date, weekend i was really dissapointed to find there was just no sexual spark for me. We got on great but i expected to be wanting to rip his clothes off after the flirty texting that had been going back and forth.
I'm seeing him again this week in a different setting and again the texts have been continuing in the same manner. And again I'm very attracted to this guy but not so sure in person IYSWIM.

Part of me thinks I should have some fun with this guy, I know I don't want a relationship full time but I'm feeling that it's not my style to have a FWB. But I'm mid 30's so why the hell not?
I don't know if it's a guilt complex that good girls don't do that and that i'll end up beating myself up at a later date.
I don't know what I'm asking really, but I'd really appreciate someone's elses perspective.

OP posts:
CailinDana · 18/12/2012 16:47

Why do you want to have sex with someone you don't fancy?

Original poster
MrsVandekamp · 18/12/2012 16:51

Its not that I don't fancy him, it's just that the attraction wasn't what it was in my head. I know that I could have some fun with him and maybe that is what I need but I don't want a relationship with him.

OP posts:
CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts · 18/12/2012 16:55

You can't really do FWB without a sexual spark. It's got to be fabulous, no strings sex without all that boring stuff of having to live together, iron Y-fronts and Scrabble evenings.... or it's more Friends With Oh Well You'll Do At A Pinch..

CailinDana · 18/12/2012 17:01

I suppose it would work if he felt the same way. Do you know how he feels?

Original poster
MrsVandekamp · 18/12/2012 17:02

Cognito, yes I think your spot on. It's just the texts!! Get me going every time!

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsVandekamp · 18/12/2012 17:09

I know he likes me alot, but I don't want to be a cow to him either.....he's given my self confidence a massive boost for sure

OP posts:
CailinDana · 18/12/2012 17:12

Just be wary of using him - he has feelings too and you need to take that into account.

Original poster
MrsVandekamp · 18/12/2012 17:15

Yes I knowBlush he understands I've come out of a long marriage and I'm not looking for another

OP posts:
ClippedPhoenix · 18/12/2012 17:17

and maybe that's where this should stay?

I personally can't do FWB relationships, never have been able to, they seem to get "messy" somewhere along the line and there's a huge danger of one wanting more than the other and people getting hurt, but then again that's just my opinion. I also don't separate love/intimacy from pure sex either ive always been rather precious about my vagina Grin

Sounds like he could be the one to get hurt here?

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts · 18/12/2012 17:54

I had the raging hots for someone once - he was clever, funny, rich (!), not bad looking, thought I was the bees knees - and we finally got it together. I'll be honest with you, it was like kissing my granny. Confused I gave it my best shot but, no matter what, there was no juice loose aboot the hoose IYKWIM .... Like you it was flattering to be his femme fatale, but couldn't in all conscience keep seeing him.

cronullansw · 19/12/2012 00:18

But he might be an ideal enabler for you, to let you get back in the saddle once more and let you be better equipped for when you move on.

You might enjoy it too :)

izzyizin · 19/12/2012 00:49

As the song goes 'if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with'.

Albeit it's a positon worth trying, you don't have to be head over heels to scratch an itch and I incline to the view that it's better not to become besotted with casual or regular fwbs.

PeachTown · 19/12/2012 09:49

You like the idea of him far more than the actual him, which is disappointing. I don't see how trying to force it into anything more will help either of you. You already think you'll regret it down the line and you're probably right. I know if I didn't fancy someone they'd never be able to 'scratch the itch' so it would be pointless to try.

You'll have other dates and meet someone you have real chemistry with - leave this one where it is.

dequoisagitil · 19/12/2012 10:23

Why not just enjoy the texting for now? If there's no spark again at the next date, then discontinue.

pinkdelight · 19/12/2012 10:24

It's sounds like it would be horrible, tbh. Course you can get aroused by the texts. That's why there's such a thing as erotic literature! But the reality ain't the fantasy. Even if you were able to fantasize your way through the sex, I think you'd feel rotten afterwards.

I wonder if you're doing this more cos you feel like you should - get back on the bike and all that? But really, there's no reason you should have sex with guys you don't fancy. Wait for someone worthwhile. Take care of yourself.

PostBellumBugsy · 19/12/2012 10:41

Bloody hell, don't shag someone you don't fancy. You will feel so bleugh afterwards.
I always think developing an email / texting relationship with someone before you meet them has the potential to be a mistake, because you I tend to project on to the person at the end of the texts / emails what you I want & then you I get disappointed when they are not that person.

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