Me myself and I or?

[Frederika11]

Hello, I am new to mumsnet, a friend spoke to me about it recently and I have spent a couple of days reading and feeling reassured that there are other people out there that are having similar sorts of feelings and issues in their life as I am. Im 32 and seperated from my husband 12 months ago. He left me for a girl that he worked with and I have found it really difficult to come to terms with it. I'm slowly starting to feel more confident and have recently had a few dates after joing an on line dating site.
My problem is that i'm still feeling very confused about my ex and just cant determine whether its right for me to begin a relationship with someone else. I dont enjoy being on my own and feel that I may be focusing too hard on trying to fill the space that has been left in my life without someone else, rather than waiting for the right person to come along naturally.
I have seen one guy a couple of times and I really like him. But how do you know when you are ready and not just compensating for lonliness? Has anyone else been in my situation? and how did you know? Im just concerned that I will start to see things in other guys because I want to, rather than them actually being there and end up making the same mistake again and getting caught in a realtionship with the wrong man.

" But how do you know when you are ready and not just compensating for lonliness? "

You don't. But you don't find out by opting out. Love is always a risk... that's what makes it exciting :) What you have to do - and this applies whether you're newly single, never been in a relationship or a seasoned campaigner - is keep your eyes open and your head clear enough to judge if the person you are investing so much emotion in is worth it. Nothing can prevent you from making another mistake. You just have to learn from experience.

The questions to keep top of mind are things like.... Are they genuine/reliable/honest or do they let you down or mess you around? Do you feel comfortable in their company or are there no-go areas for conversation? Do they like you as you are or are you conscious that they're trying to change things about you? Is their behaviour acceptable or do you find yourself making excuses?

Good luck

BTW... should add that in the early days, if in doubt, dump. :) It's actually very therapeutic to reject a few people, even if it's for relatively trival reasons.

I have seen friends fall in to the trap you are describing, and eventually it leads to another goodbye.

My advice is to have fun, listen and learn. Don't find yourself promising something you later regret, and don't rush.

Dont try to make someone 'fit the bill', listen carefully to what they say and do not say. Not every date needs to be 'the one' just have fun and take the pressure off for a while.