Have I done the right thing??

[Whathaveidoneoopsie]

Hi I am a bit of a lurker but decided to post now as I really need advice.

I have been going out with my DP for 2years (until I ended it yesterday).

I met him on a dating site online, 2 years ago, he's not the best looking guy in the world but because he was SUCH a nice guy (at the start), I could over see his not so good looks.

We have always got on really well, same wavelength, good laughs, both value family & both wanted to her married & start a family.

At the start of our relationship, there were a free things which happened that caused me not to trust him:

1. out for a meal with him & a message came through on his Facebook while I was looking at his facebook pictures. I know I shouldn't have read it, but I did.. It was a girl that he'd been messaging early that night & asked her for a picture of her in her new outfit & they had been talking about her being in the bath!!

2. we went through a rough patch a few months ago, we essentially split up, but later found out he was sleeping with someone AT THE SAME TIME he was sleeping with me!! He said he thought we were over, but why sleep with us both!! I was under the impression we were trying to sort 'us' out!

3. he's lied on several occasions, often about trivial things, and even asked his pals to lie to me for him so his stories would appear valid

4. on occasions when we've gone through a rough patch in the past, he's gone to other single females, often off dating sites 'for a shoulder to cry on' so he says. I know this because once we were in bed together at 4am, we got woken up by a text from a single female. He lied & lied about who she was until I eventually found out! He continued to lie to me despite me KNOWING the truth from her!!

There have been other things such as raising his foot to my dogs on occasion, not making physical contact but only because I've caught him!

I have 3 dogs which I appreciate is a lot for someone to take on, but he always shuts them out my bedroom which I hate. It's my house, my dogs & they have had a hard life (rescue dogs) so I like to spoil them & they enjoy sleeping on my bed!

He is 36 & still lives at home with his mum. While I don't see a problem with this (well a wee bit), his mum does EVERYTHING for him, washing, cleaning, packs his bag for him if he's staying at mine, makes his food, breakfast, packed lunch for his work, & makes his dinner when he's not at mine!

When he stayed at mine, I was never asked to do his washing or if I offered he never let me, he always preferred to take it home.

Ok, I have painted a crap picture of him, but in reality we got on really well, had a great sex life (despite him being very camp at times), he was polite, loved me, would do anything for me, is heartbroken when we split up, appears to be anyway.....though I forgot to mention various trust issues, ie him checking my phone when I leave the room, so often I resorted to taking my phone to the bathroom if I went for a shower & deleted an ex of mine off Facebook without asking me!

Recently we've not been getting on, Christmas was the icing on the cake when yet again this year he expected us to spend Xmas day just the 3 of us (again) despite promising me this year it would be just the 2 of us. He phones his mum or she phones him every day they are apart which I find very bizarre as well. I can't cope with him being such a mummy's boy.

So recently I have felt its become too much (him & his mum), we've not been getting on, sex life had gone downhill, I felt like I no longer am 'in love' with him, feel like there's no trust either way & that it wasn't going anywhere. None of my friends like him after the things he's put me through, ie lies & sleeping with someone else while trying to repair the relationship.

I ended it yesterday. I miss him terribly & wondering if ending it was the right thing :(

I know it will hurt at first, but I do love him. Just don't feel like I can cope with constant lies & no trust :( x

With that long list? You've definitely done the right thing.

It's a long list of negatives - trust your instincts. It's natural to feel sad at the end of a relationship but that doesn't mean it was wrong to end it.

With that list, you have stayed with him about 21 months longer than I would have done... you have definitely done the right thing and should probably have done it much sooner.

Yeh I feel a big sense of relief....& believe me that's just the half of it that I've put down there, there's been loads more negatives :(

I just wanted reassurance & another opinion as hard to know when it's just me making an evaluation.

He is a loser. A sleazy loser. You have done the right thing.

You have so done the right thing but you don't post as if you think you have.

I don't get the taking home of his washing to be a problem, the reverse if anything (except he takes it home for his mum to do ), but the rest of it is fairly awful. He lies; he tries to kick your dogs; he edits your friend list without permission; he sneaks looks at your phone even though he's the one who's untrustworthy; and whenever you spend time apart he's so devastated that he jumps into another woman's bed as fast as his little cheaty legs will carry him. What's to like?

I'm sure he was lovely at the beginning of the relationship. Everyone is, otherwise you wouldn't let them get to first base. It's how they carry on once they've relaxed a bit that tells you who they really are, and this one does not sound like a keeper, to put it delicately.

Thanks for the replies.....I think it's normal to have 2nd thoughts @justfabulous, I just needed another opinion to confirm I had done the right thing by ending it. I know 2yrs isn't a long time but just feel so lost & lonely without him..

I honestly can't see what took you so long to end it, it appears he's done some pretty shitty stuff- sleeping with someone else when sleeping with you because he 'thought' you were over says it all really.
You have SO done the right thing.

Move on and find someone adult enough to have a relationship with and leave this one to hang from mummy's apron strings.

So to recap, throughout your 2 year relationship he's screwed around with other women, has exhibited signs of being a closet gay, has lied through his teeth, and has no doubt physically abused your dogs repeatedly when you weren't looking.

And now you've ended it because "I can't cope with him being such a mummy's boy", you're wondering if you've done the right thing?

The right thing for you would be to get yourself certified to your nearest GUM clinic and get tested for stis and stick with the company of your canines until such time as you've worked out why you spent longer than 2 minutes on a twunt who is ugly in mind as well as body.

Any ONE item on your list is enough to send any right minded woman running for the hills. FGS, get yourself sorted before you subject your dogs to another abusive tosser.

Er yes... You've done the right thing. I'm quite surprised you need to ask really.

[Wanders off slightly confused.]

you are just having normal 'i think i still love him and am a bit shocked that i've finished it' wobbles.

just remember the shit things op. and take it day by day. tis a funny old time of year.
x

You need to ask ?

You should have DTF after the first sleazy text to OW/he raised his foot to your dogs

You can do very much better than this twat

Said kindly, I think you may need some professional help in re-defining your boundaries and tuning your twat radar if you ever make a foray into internet or in fact any other kind of dating again.

Get some individual counselling, my love, or you will remain a magnet for the next inadequate pillock who needs someone to adore him for a while

This guy is a needy, child like night nightmare - dog thing says it all, you are well shut, feel proud and free, you are worth more, let his mummy look after him.

You have completely done the right thing. You're just feeling a bit wobbly because you're surrounded by propaganda about how important it is not to be single at Christmas. Being single is great at any time! Being single is so good that it's only worth giving up singlehood for a really great relationship, not just any old prat who's vaguely available.
Have a good Xmas and a fun New Year.

Oh, OP, he is AWFUL!

FWIW I think you're unreasonable about him wanting to spend Christmas with his mum. That poor woman does everything for him all year round - he even lives with her - and you think he shouldn't spend Christmas with her?

Don't get back with him. Over Christmas you will be tempted to, but re-read your posts and stop yourself. Or get back on here - we'll stage an intervention.

Oh well done you - and I bet your lovely dogs are thrilled. My ex was vicious to my little dog, and (like the children) my dog has blossomed with him gone. I bet your dogs are so relieved that they can have their "mum" again without feeling any fear that your ex may be mean to them.

I made myself a dog walking play list for my ipod and when I felt sad (even though my ex was dreadful - you cant so easily just turn off the habit of having him around) I made myself walk my dog, not thinking, just enjoying the music and it brushed away the fear and loneliness.

Time for doggie xmas present shopping!