Oh fuck. What have I done?

[moreconfusedthanever]

I've kissed someone else. Not my husband. Someone else's husband.

Dh and I have been having a difficult time lately. I moved out for a while last month because he was violent to me (the first and last time i might add) but went back to try and make things work. He was devastated when I said I was leaving for a bit. If I'm honest I haven't really felt the same about him since he was violent but I desperately want it to work. I just don't feel the same as I used to.

I have never really fancied him. Now I write this I know that it is a problem. Stupidly I thought marrying someone you liked was more important and I thought maybe the physical stuff would come. We do have sex and it's fine but I just don't feel attracted to him.

He is a good person and a good father and on paper we have a great life. He pulls his weight at home, does over and above with dd and is generally considered to be a good bloke.

Stupidly I kissed someone else this week. (both drunk, no excuse though) He has since revealed he has liked me for a long time and wants to see me again. I want to but I know I can't. I can't stop thinking about him though. This has highlighted that I can't be that happy with dh if I can go kissing someone else. It is so disrespectful of me and a horrible thing to do.

Sorry for the ramble.

I have to tell the other guy I can't see him again.

But I don't think I can continue with dh. How do I know if it's right to leave? Is there any hope I can make it work?

BTW I know I'm a bitch for kissing someone else's husband. I can't believe I have done it. How do I get out of this all now?

Forget the other man.

But take this as a sign that your marriage is over. Not because you kissed another man, but because your husband has been violent to you. Because you dont love him. Because he has been emotionally abusing you and bullying you threatening suicide to scare you.

There is no way back from this.

No don't meet the married man for lunch. You know exactly what will happen if you do and so does he. Of course people who are happy at home will sometimes want something 'extra' so don't go thinking that this will be any more than a brief diversion for the MM. He probably thinks you're extra safe because you're married too and won't rock his boat. It's not clear whether he knows how abusive your marriage is, but if he does he is no friend because that will be just another stick to beat you with if your violent husband finds out.

You can't be 'just friends' with this MM now that it's crossed a line.

Instead, turn to friends who will help you get out of your marriage with dignity.

The relationships board is full of sad stories about men having affairs with damsels in distress who lack the courage to leave abusive marriages - but it's no excuse to then abuse some other woman by having a secret relationship behind her back. You know that yourself, so walk away please from both men.

Oh God, sorry, I totally missed that the other bloke is married.

Don't touch him with a bargepole in that case - ignore my thing about him 'waiting' if he likes you. He's using you just the same as you've used him. He's married...end of.

Sorry to be a thicko.

No - he doesn't know anything about my marriage - except that I told him it had been a difficult year.

You are all right about the married man. The bit that's harder to hear is that I need to leave my marriage. Fuck

focus on the more straightforward decision for now - say no to lunch with MM and avoid him in the future. get that out of the way, forgive yourself for the kiss. then clear your head for dealing with your husband.

Yes. I know that's what I should do. Sounds pathetic but easier said than done

OM is someone else's husband - you would be breaking up 2 marriages.

Don't even meet him for lunch, you know you shouldn't.

What is 'easier said than done'? Not seeing the married man or dealing with your marriage?

Ending my own marriage is going to be the hardest bit. I just can't bear to

Sounds like music to the ears of an abuser.