Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Not sure what's happening, can someone just hold my hand for now?

10 replies

emess · 16/12/2012 14:01

DH and I had a row over putting away the shopping and he tried to justify the row (shouting at me, bringing up old sore points) by blaming his depression ("I don't want to be alive"). I retaliated by telling him his depression did not excuse his behaviour towards me (one thing I've learned from MN!). I told him again that we can't go on like this and something has to change. He's been on meds and having counselling for 4.75 years, with no progress in sight.

I told him I couldn't fix him and had to look after myself. I started to pack (cue another row - "I need to move out, you stay"), and even though I've no idea where to go I felt better because I was finally taking control (sort of). This seemed to flick a switch in him and he said "I need treatment that I'm not getting - I'm going to the clinic now to get help." I've discussed with him before that there must be treatment available that's he's not getting, but he insisted there wasn't. But suddenly there is. I offered to take him but he refused.

I had a stressful week at work (another one). Two kind colleagues approached me separately as they noticed I was struggling on Friday, let me talk and offered practical help. It's more than DH does: he's jealous of my work (I enjoy mine, he hates his) so he'd rather not hear anything about it. If I start to vent he manages to change the subject round to him. That's if he listens at all.

Can anybody suggest what will happen next? The clinic is not his usual one and according to the web they are not open today (Sunday). Is he lying, has he gone elsewhere? He has attempted suicide before and frequently talks of ending it.

DCs are both away (students) so no wee ones to worry about, thank goodness.

OP posts:
Leverette · 16/12/2012 14:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

emess · 16/12/2012 14:41

Leverette, I have had counselling in the past (just after he attempted suicide) which certainly helped me but maybe I need to go again.

Re work - the stress at work is quite different, I was just trying to highlight the difference between my work colleagues and DH! It feels like they care and he doesn't!

Stress at home and stress at work: a perfect work-life balance!! (NOT)

OP posts:
TheSilverPussycat · 16/12/2012 14:47

If you don't have number for crisis team, go through out of hours GP service, or social services emergency no, or even 111. He does sound like he needs urgent help.

emess · 16/12/2012 16:25

He came back. The clinic was closed. I suggested he call the out of hours / crisis service but he said he didn't have it - and no longer needs it, he was fine and he wasn't going anywhere. He is NOT fine - nothing has changed! I said 'let's look up the number on the web'. When I went to the pc he left the house and drove off, I know not where.

OP posts:
TheSilverPussycat · 16/12/2012 16:37

For out of hours GP service, just call GP surgery and it should redirect you. For 111 dial 111. Crisis team rightly do not give out number to everyone, but both these should have number for your area. Or if you think he may do something stupid, please ring local police and report your concerns - this puts the reponsibility on them. Dial 101 and you should be passed to your local police.

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts · 16/12/2012 16:53

I think you need to keep packing. It's really convenient that the minute you seem to be walking out the door all these clinics and different treatments pop up... but the minute you decide to stick around and there's a minor obstacle in his way, he 'no longer needs it'.

Do you actually care where he is?

emess · 16/12/2012 17:48

Cogito has hit the nail on the head (as ever). Do I care? Not 100%, and that's the crux of it, isn't it?

SilverPussycat I'm sure you're advice is factually correct but I think he has to do it himself to show that he's serious about getting help.

It's that or I walk, frankly.

OP posts:
emess · 16/12/2012 17:49

your

OP posts:
TheSilverPussycat · 16/12/2012 18:03

My fear is not that he won't get help - but a fear that he is at genuine risk of suicide Sad - even those attempts which are made with the thought "I'll show her" can go wrong.

TheSilverPussycat · 16/12/2012 18:06

Am not saying you should stay btw. Moving out does sound like a good idea.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page