DH and I had a row over putting away the shopping and he tried to justify the row (shouting at me, bringing up old sore points) by blaming his depression ("I don't want to be alive"). I retaliated by telling him his depression did not excuse his behaviour towards me (one thing I've learned from MN!). I told him again that we can't go on like this and something has to change. He's been on meds and having counselling for 4.75 years, with no progress in sight.
I told him I couldn't fix him and had to look after myself. I started to pack (cue another row - "I need to move out, you stay"), and even though I've no idea where to go I felt better because I was finally taking control (sort of). This seemed to flick a switch in him and he said "I need treatment that I'm not getting - I'm going to the clinic now to get help." I've discussed with him before that there must be treatment available that's he's not getting, but he insisted there wasn't. But suddenly there is. I offered to take him but he refused.
I had a stressful week at work (another one). Two kind colleagues approached me separately as they noticed I was struggling on Friday, let me talk and offered practical help. It's more than DH does: he's jealous of my work (I enjoy mine, he hates his) so he'd rather not hear anything about it. If I start to vent he manages to change the subject round to him. That's if he listens at all.
Can anybody suggest what will happen next? The clinic is not his usual one and according to the web they are not open today (Sunday). Is he lying, has he gone elsewhere? He has attempted suicide before and frequently talks of ending it.
DCs are both away (students) so no wee ones to worry about, thank goodness.