My son is beginning to look like my brother who abused me

[elfbambinos]

I'm not sure where to post this so i've opted for relationships even although it's not actually a relationship issue

I'd just like a bit of advice

My eldest son, who is 19 ...is now starting to look a awful like my brother.

My brother sexually abused me as a child which was investigated by police but no charges were brought as there was no evidence.

I only went to police and reported it after my mum died (my dad died when I was 17)

I feel a bit stupid now but I feel that I want to ask my son to stop wearing the shirt he is fond of (it's almost a replica of my brothers) and change his hairstyle .

This is wrong isn't it...he is my son , but he is starting to look like my bother and I know i'm slightly withdrawing from him because he is reminding me of my abuser.

Has anyone one else gone through this?

*tried not teided

I'll PM you Snazzy - don't want to derail the thread.

to be honest .....and completely honest I'm all over the place ......because my son looks likes my brother and is acting like him too

Which makes me want to get hold of my son and say do you realise how you sound.........but the reality is I can never do that because he is my son

Elf :( I'm sorry I don't know what to say, but didn't want you to think I was ignoring you.

I bet this is a really common thing for people to go through, you won't be alone. Did you think about phoning Rape Crisis at all? Sorry if the name is awkward.

He did not rape me ..

He inserted a finger and got me to 'rub him up and down

I've never said that to anyone before

My bother suck finger inside
me an asked him to 'rub and down'

I'm beginning to know how wrong this was but but also realising will never mean anything because I'm 43 and he is 58.

You'll never get a 58 year old on a this stuff

In what way is he acting like your brother?

If he still sees your brother, there is no possible way your son is learning from his behaviour is there?

I am so sorry about what you have been throught. I've never gone through abuse in my family except verbal. The only thing that has ever came similar in any which sense was when my ex partner did some stuff to me when I was 13 and he was 17 and it was horrible and I really wasn't sure what went on I had nightmares about it and that and my sisters partner at the time started wearing the same aftershave as him. I kept getting myself in panic attacks and actually hating my sisters boyfriend. Not even remotely similar but the only way I can understand that revulsion when you really shouldn't feel it.

It must feel empowering to say it out loud, or at least in some way saying it out loud to acknowledge it's wrongness. Just because he may not be punished for it doesn't mean it's not important to acknowledge how morally wrong and sick he was to do what he did to you.

The important thing is for you to be a good influence to your son and give him love, protect him and allow him to be his own person without putting him in the same company as your brother (if you can help it).

No but they offer support for any sort of sexual abuse.