Hang in there???

[helsbels03]

Dh and I have been married for 8 yrs have 3dc, 6, 4,2. When do you get to the point of being better off on your own- eg I work 3days, and do most of housework/cooking/bedtimes/clubs/childcare. He comes home from Work 5.30 ish,gets really grumpy if dinner isn't ready /toys still out etc even in days we have been at clubs. Has no patience with dc,I have to make him sit and play with them. He will do reading books tho. He hates going out with us as he thinks dc re badly behaved( they are very lively) and mopes or has unrealusticexpectations of them. We never go out as a couple except on birthdays and hardly ever have sex. We go thru phases of screaming at each other, he says I do nothing around the house but spend money, I say he is too grumpy he avoids spending time with us and prefers us to go out and leave him to be on his own

So after that long moan, my question is- how long do you 'hang in there' before I go it alone???

Girls are becoming affected by our arguing and they shout and answer back too. I am just worried that all the negativity is going to dent their self confidence. I keep thinking its just a phase and once they are older/ sleep through it will be ok- he was great when it was just 2 of them

I'm not too sure that 'hanging on in there' is ever productive, unless you are dealingwith the aftermath of a specific event (bereavement, serious illness etc).

It sounds like communication between you has broken down, andwherever he is putting his energy it certainly isn't into you, his family or his home.

Have you ever tried to discuss this with him? If so, did he engage at all?

I'd also recommend talking to each other as a first step. Does he realise, for example, how unhappy you are and how close you are to kicking him out? Or does he take it for granted that you'll 'hang on in there'?

It always makes me sad when children start getting affected by arguments and, yes, the dynamic at home is what they are learning about adult relationships. As far as they're concerned, this is how all grown-ups behave towards each other. Not a great example.

I'd also suggest getting yourself informed about what a split would mean in practical terms. Takes the mystery out of it. Many solicitors offer a free half-hour consultation.