Getting over DH affair. Onward and upwards?

[MummyIsMagic79]

Hi

Can't link to my old thread as I'm on my phone, but when I was 35 weeks pregnant, I discovered my DH had been having an affair with my friend. It lasted 5/6 weeks.

I was devastated and threw him out. It almost broke me, and I was distraught. I worship/ped him and he is the love of my life.

Fast forward to now. My DS is 15 days old today. We are all living together and DH and I are working hard on our marriage.

He is totally ashamed and broken up about what he did. He's done everything I have asked him to. Passwords, phone, called OW while I was there, been to std clinic etc.

I have met with OW for first time. It was Thurs this week. Strangely I felt nothing. Was a 45 min conversation. She just seemed pathetic and small.

The problem I have, is obviously trust. Please can anyone advise me on how to regain it.

We have Shirley Glass's book and have been to Relate. I am just struggling. Torturing myself with the fact that he might still be seeing her. Really anxious about it. He's doing everything to reassure me. He's so loving now, and our marriage is more open and happier than for a year.

He even went and had the tattoo we'd been planning to get together, they are matching, though I've not had mine yet.

Any advice anyone?

We HAD let things get stale ad were taking each other for granted.

Are those the reasons he is giving for his affair then?

No. He says he isn't sure why he did it. A mixture of an easy opportunity, boredom and the fact that we'd stopped communicating.

If he isn't sure why he did it, then it will be impossible to trust him until he does.

Like I said before, be wary of diagnosing the wrong cause and effect. It's not unusual in a marriage with young children for 'life' to take over and the relationship not to be at the forefront.

The thing that separates out who in a relationship will have an affair are a person's individual characteristics, together with the opportunities they will have.

You might feel at the moment that because your relationship is so much better now, this could never happen again.

But unless he changes as a person, it might. You or your relationship cannot prevent it.

I agree with others who've said it's way way to early to be trying to make sense of everything and find the trust again.
Give yourself time mummy there's no magic formula (unfortunately) it's even possible that you could wake up one morning, in the future and regret that you didn't keep his cheating ass out of your life.

I'm not quite sure about the tattoo stuff, not just in your situation but others too - if wedding vows and rings mean nothing to the cheaters then I'm not sold that a tattoo convinces people otherwise

Congrats on the birth of your new addition x

So what happens the next time he's bored and the opportunity presents itself? Are you again going to be blamed for not communicating properly?