What is going on with us??

[Snowbitch]

I've been married to DH for 4 years and we have been together for 7 years. We have two DCs age 6 and 4. We had an active sex life for the first 5 months but then I fell pregnant with DD and it pretty much stopped. I think it may all have been forced in the beginning on his part to be honest. I'm lucky to get it ten times a year.

I have tried to talk to him about this many times but he will not talk about it. Today I asked him if we have no chemistry. H tried to ignore me until I kept pushing. Then he said we don't. I asked if he has chemistry with other women and he said he doesn't know. Which means yes in his language.

When we first got together he was contacting other women on the Internet. This stopped when I found out when DD was a few months old.

We do love each other and he's my best friend. We argue a lot though as we're both difficult to live with.

I think he doesn't fancy me and he fancies other women. I'm unsure that working on things will help if this is the situation. We are supposed to be moving away together in a few months and he did say that his concern is that we're moving away to be isolated when we argue a lot anyway. This was just a passing comment and I didn't think much of it until now.

So what now???? I'm so confused, any opinions will be appreciated. TIA.

Summary.... you don't have a physical relationship to speak of, he says there's no 'chemistry', you suspect he meets his sexual needs with other women (virtual ? IRL?) because he has history of doing so, you argue a lot and he has already raised concerns that when you move away shortly things will get worse.

If he's your best friend and you've got him in talkative mood I think you need to make the most of it and ask the direct question whether he sees any future in the marriage (with help etc) or should you call it a day. Sounds like there's something important that's not being said - an elephant in the room - and the stress & confusion created bubbles over into arguments.

I thought that was a good analysis of the situation so I just tried but he bit my head off. He always says it's because the kids are badly behaved, but it's not. Starting to wonder if there's any future myself!

What is because the kids are badly behaved? ... the arguments? the lack of sex? the no chemistry?

Do you think that's just a deflection?

When we first got together he was contacting other women on the Internet

Did you meet him online? Does he, or did he, meet up with any of the women he contacted?

Is it possible his internet activities have gone underground, so to speak? Do you think it's possible he may be gay?

Arguing a lot doesn't bode well for the wellbeing of your dc and you would be ill-advised to move away from family/friends and/or a known and familiar environment until you have resolved your dissent.

Maybe this is a good time to consider separating either temporarily or permanently?