I told DP of 13 years that we need to start talking about what we are going to do if we split up. No matter what changes, I don't think I can ever have sex with him again. Even getting on day to day is tough. He wants to work things out, but last night he suddenly gave me the green light to go. He also said that because his maintenance payments would be between £20 or £100 more than the mortgage we could keep the house but only if a document is drawn up by a solicitor that protects him from loosing the house and crucially HE PAYS THE MORTGAGE. I was gob smacked, not least because he has constantly used the loss of our home as threat to me as our relationship has deteriorated. He said he still loved us and wanted to look after as all. He said that he doesn't want me to fall off the ladder with no chance of getting back on and it will be easy for him because of his salarty. He also said that it would mean his maintence payments are invested that way. I don't like the idea of having the mortgage paid by DP - but I also dont like the idea of being off the ladder and putting the kids through leaving the family home. I told him I would rather he just paid maintenance and I paid the mortgage, to which he replied that if that happened I could potentially boot him of the mortgage in x many years time and he would constantly worry about me fucking up my finances and getting into arrears. (nice). If we sold, I would get about £15 - £20k but no chance of getting on the ladder again for years due to my tiny salary, whereas DP would be able to get straight back on. I said I didn't want him to suddenly try and boot me out or buy me out and he said he would put in that in a contract so we are both protected.
What do you savy people think about this? The back story is here if you want to read it...
I've posted here before about DP. To summarise - Sexless, bickery, humourless, unequal, relationship for years culminating in my discovery that DP has for years been having online affairs sharing our kids names, my name and very personal information, even a photo of him with our son to these women AND in the same 'breath' having sexual exchanges online. Even the night before DD's 4th GA. When I went away for a weekend, he got in touch with one of these ladies tline up a weekend of online sex. The same weekend when I returned to find that he hadn't even bothered to bring in the washing of the line for 3 days. Recent crimes include sending a sex text to my friend when drunk to see if I would like it, hacking my facebook account and copying conversations with my friends into his hotmail, lying and coming home from the pub, pissed and shouting at me!!!! He has grovelled and apologised for all of this (heartfeltly I think) but I'm so pissed off with him and it's burnt away all the physical attraction I ever felt for him. Biggest bones of contention are -He has refused to help with housework or cook meals unless in rare moments of crisis - for 7 YEARS!. I needed that help. Poor DD had a bowel defect and had ops, colostomy and lots of extra care. He smoked heavily despite our tight finances, has temper tantrums, and basically, at the age of 32, it's like a fog has lifted and I've had enough!!! I have been a bit of a crap disorganised housewife and been detached from him, but I've never been unfaithful and have given up a good career to look after the kids so he could work when and where he wanted. I funded his training courses and paid the mortgage and bills alone before we had kids. Now he earns about 45K and I have only just got back to work now DD (who needed allot of extra care due to an imparement) is at school and doing well. I will be lucky to clear £700 per month having gone for a term time only, school friendly hours job.
DP isn't a monster and he works hard for us to provide etc is lovely with the kids, helps at bedtime and with other (non housework stuff). He still claims to love me and is attracted to me. I want to feel the same - BUT I DONT. He is trying to give up smoking and agreed to go to relate next month.