Can I canvas opinion please? I am having DS2 by ELCS a week today. When DS was born, MIL and I had no relationship, other than negative.
she has said hateful things in the past (criticising my dead dad on my first outing from home after he died, just as an example).
Anyway The inlaws made the early days with DS awful.. Or rather certainly put unnecessary pressure on me.
They Tried to Force a visit at hospital when I was very poorly (long labour EMCS lost blood). I had seen only DP and my mum, I hadn't even agreed to See my sisters who I'm very close too (so it wasn't favouritism on my part).
They said they would visit on the evening when we got home from hospital, which we agreed to as my family came in the afternoon. DP text at half 7 to see where they were only to be told they were eating out, and would see us "about 9", given we were both shattered, me from being in hospital for 4 nights (1 pre 3 post) we told them
Not to bother. The MIL and SIL then came the next day.
His mum didn't greet me, wouldn't hold DS(!!) and said they had only come as the SIL was off to brownie camp the following day and it was "important" she see DS, then when I gave him a bottle said to DP (not me!!) "I thought she was feeding him herself".
Writing all that down sounds horrific. And this disinterested behaviour carried on for quite some time, right up until DS's first birthday. Along with snippy comments. Pre DS she did things like not tell any of DPs family I existed, one christmas I met his aunt and uncle who jovially said "hope
You dont mind a voucher, We didnt know you existed until this afternoon." - We had lived together a year at that point, and been together 4!
She also told a friends mother, upon hearing I was pg "I had hoped she was just a phase". Her first words when DP told her was "have you thought about money?" Followed by "I still have a dependent child!" (SIL was 14 or 15)
Our relationship has very much changed, we get along, have shopped together, been out together with DS, I cant pin point the turn around but its like a different person.
BUT there has never been an apology for those early days, nor any of the past. Id say we have a good relationship with them now, they certainly do a lot for us, and pay for a lot, Part of me feels they buy/ pay for so much to try and make amends.
Anyway thanks for reading, my question is, with DS2 coming soon these memories feel so fresh. Does anyone have any tips for not letting the resentment caused by the memories to creep back in? Im just finding it hard not to think about it.
I will talk to my mum next week privately rather than DP.