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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think if I never had sex ever again I wouldn't mind!

14 replies

Priya1978 · 12/12/2012 18:40

I have never really had a high sex drive. But now after two kids, its just non-existent.I am never in the mood. I thought it was the pill affecting my labido so I've stopped it - 2 months later I still feel the same. I read 50 Shades - nothing. My DH wants it all the time. We have slept apart since I had my first child. Sometimes I would like to sleep with him because I would like to cuddle, but I avoid even doing that because it leads to sex which I don't want. I do love my husband & I find him attractive, I haven't been abused or anything. I just don't want or need sex. Is there someting wrong with me?

OP posts:
Back2Two · 12/12/2012 18:49

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

IloveChristmasandsodoesmydog · 12/12/2012 19:07

Perhaps he needs help on how to be intimate without having sex. Men dh seem to think that the slightest touch means you're up for a shag. They need to understand that cuddles are different from sex. When you find out how to explain it to him please let me know cos my dh could do with a few hints.

Trouble is women want affection, men want sex. Well they do in my house.

Original poster
Priya1978 · 12/12/2012 19:52

Yeah I just want to cuddle but he doesn't seem to get that. Its like I feel that sex is pointless now because I've got the kids I wanted. When I was trying to conceive I did feel in the mood maybe because there was a point to it? I knos that doesn't really make sense, I'm trying to find out whether other people feel like this or do I need a doctor?

OP posts:
tetleymel · 12/12/2012 19:54

I'm with you, OP. I can't see the point. I'd rather have a good conversation!

shivermetimbers · 12/12/2012 19:59

I feel exactly the same. I just can't be bothered, it seems more trouble than it's worth to be honest. So no, you are not alone.

Original poster
Priya1978 · 12/12/2012 20:12

Well now what? Until they invent female viagra this is going to be a problem...

OP posts:
NamingOfParts · 12/12/2012 20:47

In my opinion you have to talk with your DH about the way you both feel and sooner rather than later. While there is no obligation for you to have sex you have no right to insist that your DH stays in a sexless marriage.

You dont say how old you are or how old your DCs are.

If this were to prove to be a deal breaker would you be prepared to get some help or are you happy with the way things are?

sheeesh · 12/12/2012 20:49

Yup same here re all of it. The only time of day that I ever found myself in the mood is mid morning but that is so impractical with two DCs and working full time

overmydeadbody · 12/12/2012 20:52

Does your DP know how you feel?

I do find it very sad that you don't even sleep in the same bed as your husband. Is he ok with that setup?

thirdfromleft · 12/12/2012 21:05

If you are not interested in sex and your husband is very interested, then yes you (plural) have an issue. One which will get worse with time unless resolved.

You say you are attracted to your husband and still love him, you are interested in cuddling but not sex. As others say, talking is a good start. I would add that perhaps you want to think about some time away together perhaps for a weekend, to reconnect. Would this be possible?

Original poster
Priya1978 · 12/12/2012 21:21

It is dh who wanted to sleep apart in the first place as he didn't want to be disturbed by the kids. It has carried on longer than I thought, it was only supposed to be temporary for a few months. I think the issue for me is that I don't have any sex drive. Before DS I did feel a need if we went longer than about 4 weeks, but now after DD I don't want to at all. She has just turned one btw so I think it has been enough time.

OP posts:
SummerDad · 12/12/2012 21:26

It is dh who wanted to sleep apart in the first place as he didn't want to be disturbed by the kids. It has carried on longer than I thought, it was only supposed to be temporary for a few months. I think the issue for me is that I don't have any sex drive. Before DS I did feel a need if we went longer than about 4 weeks, but now after DD I don't want to at all. She has just turned one btw so I think it has been enough time.

Priya1978, are you sure that he does not sleep in the separate room to avoid the rejection he might be feeling when you say no. It could be a real challenge for a man wanting sex and sleeping next to his beautiful wife but not been able to have her.

Original poster
Priya1978 · 12/12/2012 21:57

That makes me feel even more sad now :( I should feel flattered that he finds me sexy, I certainly don't feel it.
Unfortunately we don't have any help with the kids. Even if my in-laws were to look after them, they won't have them overnight and they don't live near us.

OP posts:
BerryChristmas · 12/12/2012 22:29

I'd rather go to bed with a plate of chips and a good book, tbh!

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