Hello everyone,
Long time lurker here?you guys seem to know what you?re talking about so I wonder if you?d be able to offer any advice about this please?(possibly quite long & complicated!!)
My DM & DF got divorced about 10 years ago, my DF had had a OW on the go for about 5 years before this (and several other affairs before her) who he has now married & is my DSM (step mother). Around the time of my DM & DF?s divorce, whilst he was with my DSM, he also managed to father another child with a friend of his from work.
Obviously DSM was very upset with this (and my poor DM as well but luckily she?s very happily married now & well out of it!!). My DF saw my DHS (dear half sister!) when she was a few months old as did I & my DB but then my DF decided it was too hard on my DSM (she was in the process of moving in with him) so he ceased contact. I and my DB continued to see the baby (and still do).
When my DHS was approximately 4 my DF decided that he would start to see her again & had an arrangement of every other Saturday afternoon for a couple of hours (I know?). Which has continued roughly until the middle of this year. The reason it was on a Saturday afternoon is that?s when my DSM has plans. DSM knew my DF was seeing DHS and she got upset every time he went to see her.
The reason the arrangement of every other Saturday has changed is that DHS has a hobby that she takes part in on a Saturday afternoon. So DF has just stopped seeing her completely, saying that it would cause too much upset to DSM to change it from a Saturday to a Sunday.
I am starting to get so wound up by the hypocrisy of the whole thing. It goes without saying that my DF is a complete womaniser & has royally fucked up time after time. However, my DSM knowingly had an affair with a married man with two children...she?s now preventing him from seeing DHS too. Yes I appreciate she must have been hurt by the whole thing but part of me does think that?s a bit of karma. I don?t know how she can stand by and know that a little girl is growing up with no contact with her father. DF is not without blame and should just say to her that he?s going to see her but she makes it difficult by not speaking to him & getting upset etc. He is a coward when it comes to this.
I?m sick of being two faced and being around them when I think both of their behaviour is abhorrent and the only person suffering is a child! I don?t really know what I?m asking, just has anyone experienced anything similar and any advice on how to deal with it please? I know I can?t force my DF to see DHS but I feel like maybe if DSM was a bit more understanding then they could come to some sort of arrangement.
My DF?s excuse is that he never wanted the baby (friend said that she couldn?t have children). He does pay maintenance for her though (big wow?).
Thank you if you got this far! It all sounds a bit Jeremy Kyle but we?re all actually quite normal & the sad thing is that I get on really well with my DF & DSM, just this resentment is growing and I feel like I need to do something about it.