getting dp to help

[tjacksonpfc]

how does everyone get dp to help them my dp is a postman so he is up a 4:30am and is normally home by 1pm everyday. he is older than me and we have a dd who is 20 months old and a ds who is 6 months old my dp also has 4 grown up boys from a previuos marriage the 2 youngest live with us 19 and 21. i cant get through to dp that i would like some help with the kids and the house by the time he gets home i have got both kids up and dressed and fed the washing is either done or on the housework is done and the rabbits are fed his son 19 is still in bed till the middle of the afternoon and the 21 yr old is at work the thing is they all treat the house like a hotel they have food and leave the plate either where ever they have eaten it or in the sink. they dont even no where the hoover is kept and when i tackle dp about it all he says is you bring home £300 pw and ill stay at home dont get me wrong he is a fantastic father but i just wish he would help me a bit more we ended up having a massive argument on saturdy and i went to shut the door so the kids couldnt hear and ended up putting my arm through the glass panel and smashing it and cutting arm badly needing 39 stitches. is it just me being unreasonable expecting some help!.

thanks

No, he's not a fantastic father. A fantastic father would realise that you are putting in a 24 hour shift to his 9 hour one, and would be pitching in without making a fuss. You may not be contributing financially to the home, but there are other ways of contributing to the family apart from financially, and he has to realise that.

It's not a matter of "helping" you either, it's a matter of him being a father and doing what he ought to be doing. You need to sit him down and talk to him, tell him exactly how you feel - and get him to talk to his sons as well. There are 4 adults living in the house and three of them are acting like children ... time to make your feelings clear.

thanks wwb ive tried gettinghim to talk to his boys and all he says is i will at one stage we were living in a 2 bedroom flat before ds came along and there was me dp dd then dps 3 sons and 1 g/f all living there as well i no he feels its his responsibilitly to look after his boys as his wife up and left him with the four of them but at the end of the day the youngest one is 19 now old enough to be looking after himself our youngest is 5 months and needs us and all i want is for me and dp and our 2 kids to be able to be a family and spend sometime together. i think what makes it worse is that where we live now is a village aswell and i dont drive so we are stuck here with no where to go and no family near not my family or dps.

what about telling him tell his youngest to gte a job or help you more? at 19 i had my own house with a 2yr old dd and i cant understand adults that want to act like children.
you could try going on strike or tell you dp that you will put in 9 hours a day like he does and see how the place looks then?
is he bothered by mess?
he really should be pulling his weight and its not your job to tell him to. you are his partner not his slave!

defo go on strike
till you are appreciated abit (alot) more

kick the lazyarse 19yo old out of bed in the morning to either go and get a job or to help around the house or with the babies

as soon as dp comes home from work
give him a cup of tea
and then place babies on his lap
and then go out and do some serious spending

dont be a doormat no longer sweetie
xxx

They are seriously taking the p*ss! Why doesn't the 19yr-old have a job? Where does he get his money from?

It sounds like it's time to draw up some house rules about who does what. If that doesn't work then I would stop all housework after 1pm and only look after yourself and the 2 smallest children.

Call his bluff. Apply for a job.

Men like this make me so angry. He's not a fantastic father, I agree with WWB. A fantastic father is a good role model. He isn't, or his 19-year-old might get off his arse.

Tell him it's not about "helping you" it's about pulling his weight - you are not his mother or his housekeeper or his childminder...

thanks for all the replys i no i was thinking it was me being unreasonable. the 19 yrhas been waiting to hear wether he got into uni or not and he has just found out he hasnt so he is on jobseekers not that he is doing any seeking