I think DH should contact his dad to tell him...

[TheHollyAndTheSkivvy]

that he doesn't want anything to do with him.

His dad was a twat all through DHs childhood, physically abusive but VERY mentally and verbally abusive.

DH had a strained relationship with him in adulthood but it has fizzled out now to the point where the last time they spoke was this time last year.

DH has been having therapy and processing his childhood and has become very hostile towards his father because of this,

I'm worried that his dad might (might - as he hasn't done for any birthdays for the last year) turn up with christmas cards ...

I have no idea how this would play out apart from DH making it clear he would be telling his dad to basically 'do one'

I think he should contact him to let him know how he feels, in a letter or email, explain, calmly why he wants no further contact

rather than waiting for the inevitable meeting which could be out of the blue and therefore explosive??

I would leave it up to your DH and he alone re potentially writing to his Dad. Am glad to read he is having counselling re the relationship with his Dad.

If you were to receive any christmas cards from this man they can always be binned or shredded without opening. If his Dad has not turned up with any birthday cards for the last year it is equally unlikely that you all will be receiving any card for Christmas from him so you may be worrying for nothing. Cross that bridge when you come to it.

Emails and correspondence to his Dad would give his dad a way in. Also such communications can be used against the sender and his Dad would in no way be at all reasonable.

If your DH did want to write a letter to his father it should be shredded after writing it.

I just don't want him to turn up with his wife and small kids to be turned away and possibly start his loud, abusive shit,

he tries to contact DH through FB and email ... so I don't think its impossible he might turn up? He only lives 20 mins away.

Of course you don't want him to turn up and behave that way, but you have no control over his behaviour, only he does. If he is verbally abusive to you in front of his small children, that is horrible, but he is responsible for that behaviour not you.

I agree with Lunatic - if he turns up, ask him to leave. If he refuses to leave and/or starts being verbally abusive, call the police.

He is the kind of bloke to turn up all happy after a year expecting to be hugged then get angry when you don't play along, thats what I'm worried about.

It just seems to make more sense to let him know hes not welcome before the event happens?

If your dh has not responded to repeated requests for contact via Facebook and email, he already knows he is not welcome. If he turns up pretending that nothing is wrong, that is just more manipulative behaviour. I am with your dh on this one and think no contact is the best strategy.