feel trapped, unhappy and unloved

[jayjay25]

Hi
I've been reading posts for a while now hoping to get advice but never posted before.
I'm 30 and have 5 dc. I've been married for 11 years.
My relationship is crap I live in a sexless marriage and feel trapped.
I've told my dh how I feel i no longer see him as a husband more of a friend. He was gutted by this and said he would do what ever it takes to get our relationship back on track.
That was 3 months ago and things are still just as shit, we have nothing to talk about other than the kids. I'm usually a happy person and love my dc v much, but as soon as they are in bed or have to spend any time alone with my dh I feel miserable.
I just don't know what to do anymore Im not happy and realley want a relationship with happiness affection and sex.
We talked about splitting up bt both agreec its not fait on the dc and I feel bad for my dh that he would have to move out of the family home and miss the dc.
feel so shit at the minute.
We split for appox a year a couple of years ago and my eldest took it really badly
The more I live like this the unhappier I feel

I didn't wantyour message to go unheeded.
I wish I could help, I can't, but I'm sure others will be here soon to proffer some support

Thank you, I wasn't sure I'd posted in the right section

Why did you get back together again if you split for a year before - did you do it for your eldest? Did you have any counselling, individually and/or together?

I'm sorry you're so miserable.

There's a book called 'I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You' that you might find useful. Sorry you're going through this OP.

What have you been doing in the last 3 months to work at it? How much effort is he putting in? I might take a while to turn things round, if that is what you both want, but it also takes real effort and commitment. If this is 'make or break', are you both doing everything you can, or is o waiting for the other to fix it.

Sorry if it sounds flippant but how did you manage five kids in 11 years if you never have sex? Is it specifically your DH that makes you feel so trapped and miserable or is it the general burden of the responsibility for such a large family when you're still so young yourself? Is the relationship 'crap' because you're always arguing/you feel taken for granted i.e. something tangible? Or is it a less that the magic has gone/you've grown apart/you're bored and you think you'd find excitement with someone else? Do you feel you've missed out on your youth, life is passing you by, or something similar?

Thank you
We got back together again for the kids sake I suppose, we have tried counselling before and I have also read the book!
In the past 3 months i have arranged babysitters for us to go out he then can't be bothered, I've put all the kids to bed early so we can have time together, to be honest he isn't putting in that much effort he is with the kids and household stuff but not with me and our relationship. It feels like we've both just give up.
2 of the kids are not biologically his 2 we had before we split up before and the last one was conceived just after we got back together.
I'm not miserable with the responsibility of the family I love my kids and still have time for my self/ hobbies etc. We also don't really argue that much but neither do we talk that much either.
I do feel taken for granted, am bored in the relationship and feel we have just grown apart.
The reason I feel trapped is that with 5 kids and only a part time job I see no way out of this relationship
few thats long feel better for getting it all out!!!