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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

A self indulgent thread - getting over a crush

3 replies

LostOnMyHorse · 08/12/2012 18:18

I can't believe I'm posting this, have NCed obviously.

Basically I have had a massive crush on someone else for about three years. Over the last year and a half it's deepened as we became friends - purely in a platonic sense, we were acquaintances before - but I've finally realised now that it is, and probably always was, a one-sided attraction.

I've entertained fantasies that it was mutual.
I didn't want an affair, but I couldn't wait to see this person and spend time with her. (I'm bisexual)
I felt emotionally engaged with her, and thought she felt the same.
I thought about her all the time.
She's so beautiful, and when I think about her and know I will never be more than a distant friend to her I ache inside.
We're both married, and happily so (I know people will argue that's impossible but my life is good and I do love my dh)
I just happen to like women too, and ache for that emotional side to be more fulfilled.
I'm not even sure I ever wanted to sleep with her, I just wanted to kiss her and be closer to her.

I know it was a stupid idea. I know nothing will - or can - happen.

I feel a bit of a fool, and I feel guilty for dh, who is a good man.

I feel relieved too that nothing ever did happen other than emotional attachment on my part.

I feel relieved that I never revealed my feelings, and hope she never guessed.

I don't know what I hope to achieve here, other than that it's a relief to write it down and share it somehow. It's a lonely process for me right now, having to pretend all is normal (and succeeding too) but aching inside for someone I will never have as more than a distant friend.

I do know also that there are far worse things happening too, and this is such a first world problem. Feel free to flame me - and kick me up the bum too!

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 08/12/2012 19:28

christ alive youve wasted 3yr mooning over someone who doesnt want you?!
are you prone to deep introspection and what if fantasy?how did you get so stuck
id suggest real practical activities,real life with dh to stop you being so daft

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts · 08/12/2012 19:51

You must be really bored...

outtaleftfield · 20/03/2013 21:54

Hi loston I don't know if you are still following this thread? I have been in exactly the same situation and it is agony. PM me if you are still hung up about this.

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