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Relationships

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Original poster

how much do you and DH/DP have in common?

20 replies

meowmix · 10/04/2006 15:29

DH and I are not having the best of times at the moment, nothing so bad we'd split, but we're definitely not as loved up as we have been. I'm wondering if part of the reason is that we have nothing in common really beyond DS. I work, DH is SAHD, at the weekend he gardens/builds stuff/does his OU course and I look after DS. In the evenings we veg in front of the box. Doesn't feel like we have very much that is a shared MeowMix and Mr MeowMix's interest...

So am curious - do you all have loads in common or am I missing the point?

OP posts:

desperateSCOUSEstrife · 10/04/2006 15:33

misssing the point tbh meowmix
make your own fun
find a hobby that suits the both of you together
and interests that are different too

also start being a bit more adventurous in all depts
works wonders
good luck
xxx

oops · 10/04/2006 15:35

my dh and i have times where we trundle along a bit and then we have a bit of time to ourselves and we talk about stuff outside the home, and i am always really pleasntly surpirsed about how we have changed, but we always seem to have changed into the same place. Iyswim

we have similar interests, music mainly.
We still laugh at the same stuff and enjoy the same tyope of tv program.

i get worried sometimes when i realise how much i've changed over the 10 yrs we have been together, but then he has changed too.....and we have ended up still enjoying one another's company and realising that we are still emotionally in the same place.

aorry, that may not make you feel better, but it really helps us when we go out on ur own wothout the kids- i see him as the person i met all that time ago and he still amkes me laugh...

Original poster

meowmix · 10/04/2006 15:37

we have different interests (mine revolve around work and writing)so thats not the issue. I just wonder if we should have something shared (other than sex which is fine, thanks very much!). we don't talk much these days.

maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself [scratches head thoughtfully emoticon]

OP posts:

desperateSCOUSEstrife · 10/04/2006 15:40

try something together like golf, another sport or something else that you both wouldnt mind having a go at

wasnt just meaning the sex
spontaneity sp?? is more the word
ie organise a babysitter at spur of moment and go for walk or meal etc

laughter is the best medicine too
instead of watching the tv
tell eachother jokes whilst playing cards one night

SnowBoo · 10/04/2006 15:49

Me and dh don't do a lot of stuff together and mainly veg in front of the telly but we are still on the same wavelength. I nag, he ignores!
But we have fun with doing nothing iyswim....

Original poster

meowmix · 10/04/2006 16:54

I'd love to get a couple of hours to ourselves but utter lack of babysitters has put paid to that. Family are miles away/incompetent and our one babysitter in the village has just got a job at the pub (which when you think of it was a bad move on the landlord's part - who exactly does he think is going in there when there's no babysitters to be had?)

OP posts:

monkeytrousers · 10/04/2006 16:56

If you both met for the first time now would you still have nothing in common?

charliecat · 10/04/2006 16:57

Not very much at all.
He likes fishing, I cant stand it.
I read, he doesnt.
We watch CSI together.
We both like kite flying but one dds doesnt, which means we dont do it often.
We both love the dds though and occasionally have a good laugh.
We also get right on each other tits too.

Original poster

meowmix · 10/04/2006 17:00

ah now theres a question. I rather think not. we've always been one of those "opposites attract" kind of couples tbh, except in terms of sense of humour, moral codes where we're v similar.

I don't want to create something artificial (cos it'd be so agonising) but I do want my pal back.

actually if we weren't together we'd never ever meet. Career-wise we have very different beliefs and approaches. When we did get together it was the talk of the university because I was/am an uptight career feminist and he's a laid back mancunian country boy.

OP posts:

crazydazy · 10/04/2006 17:01

DP have a common interest our children, other than that not much else, he likes TV I'm not too fussed and prefer to read, we both enjoy going out without kids (when we can) but I like to go to town and he prefers local pubs.

Strange but it still works for us....he doesn't pressure me for sex either which is a bonus for me but always willing if I wish to partake

buffythenappyslayer · 10/04/2006 17:03

we used to have loads in common.but now,we hardly see each other as hes always working!i do often say things hes about to,which he gets freaked out about!!

inthepink · 10/04/2006 17:04

we put ds to bed, switch the tv off and play board games, just something to do together instead of vegging in front of the tv and grunting at each other but it can get quite competitive

monkeytrousers · 10/04/2006 17:28

I agree Inthepink - sometimes it is just a question of switching the telly off and having to find other ways of entertaining yourself.

sallystrawberry · 10/04/2006 17:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

collision · 10/04/2006 17:38

DH and I have very little in common at all.

He likes classical music.....i like 80's pop.
He likes documentaries.....I like crap TV and soaps.
He reads non-fiction books....I read chick-lit!
He is quite serious.....I am not!
He is organised....i am not!
He has a business brain...I do not!

.............but get us in the bedroom.....!!!!!

Actually, the last bit was a joke! opposites attract and all that and we love spending time together and we have our boys and our own business and we are very happy and still very loved up.

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 10/04/2006 17:44

Hi meowmix. it's a question close to my heart. Me and dh got together at university and I think in many ways you're nowhere near "fully formed" at that stage. In one respect it's good - I feel in some ways dh and I are far more accommodating of our differences, I feel we've done some of our growing up together and in some respects that makes us very close. But in other ways we have ended up in very different places and it does niggle me. We have very different careers and different approaches to our careers. we have lots of old friends in common from university but also lots of seperate friends - I'm never convinced that friends I have met through work would get along with him. One consequence of this is that I don;t feel part of th work-related social network, and I do find that difficult. Having said that we do have stuff in common - a lot of it reading-inspired - we enjoy similar literature and love pontificating about what we read in the newspaper. we also both enjoy fresh air and the outdoors. But I think once kids come into the equation - especially if you have work too, it's very difficult to nurture those things. Time on your own using babysitters is great - but a bit ad hoc, (usually, anyway) you need to find a way of integrating some time togther into your ordinary life. email exchanges while you are at work are a good start - can be very reflective, very amusing/entertaining, shows you're thinking of each other. Books are another good one to share. Not much help really, but I do know where you're coming from.

Original poster

meowmix · 11/04/2006 13:43

i'd love it if DH read a book that we could discuss but his choice is for maths or programming text books (and I am a number dunce so would be like reading mandarin), whereas I like a "nice story myself"

spoke to him last night and we're going to go out on Thursday night (have a babysitter and everything as my Dad is coming to stay). We've been in our area for over 2 years and have yet to explore beyond the village pub so are going to do that. vvvvv exciting.

thanks for the support guys - sometimes I need reminding that I have to work at marriage as well as the office!

OP posts:

Original poster

meowmix · 11/04/2006 13:43

thanks for the support guys - sometimes I need reminding that I have to work at marriage as well as the office!

OP posts:

desperateSCOUSEstrife · 11/04/2006 13:49

meowmix have you tried advertising for babysitter in local shop
even if it is a teenager who is trying to earn a few quid
and one who seems grown up iykwim

Original poster

meowmix · 11/04/2006 13:55

yeah we have but we live in a village where the youngest person (DS aside) is about 18 and now working in t'pub. its a relatively wealthy area so no old grannies needing pocket money either. We're on a list for the babysitter from the next village down but it'll be a wait. Honestly I have thought of offering my own services and cleaning up!

OP posts:

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