DP has been acting like a nasty horny teenager.

[WhatsHappenedToHim]

I've name changed because he knows my nn.

My dp has been acting very strangely recently. Every time there's an underwear advert, pretty tame sex scene, nipples showing through a shirt or anything slightly sexual on tv he will be completely engrossed and stop what hes doing to watch, I cant say or do anything to break his gaze. Hes never been like this before but hes acting like a horny teenage virgin or something.

He wont go anywhere near me though!

I had a baby a few months ago so understandably I have a wobbly stomach. Hes poked it a few times calling it podgy or made comments that I'm fat (Ive lost about 2 and a half stone so far PP and a stone away from pre pregnancy weight, 8.5 stone) When he sees that hes offended me he would quickly say he was joking and give me a hug, even though he rarely hugs me any other time. Again this is so out of character.

Hes also made comments about women at work being 'fit' or when he sees a pretty women will say 'she'd get it'

The worst thing of all is how flippant he is about the bad things I've been through in the past (abuse, rape etc.) He will rarely say things about my situation personally but will comment on other women who have been in those circumstances and joke. When he does joke about me personally he will say things like 'Poor little privileged girl had such a difficult life boohoo'

Why has he turned into this nasty person? He was nothing like this before.

Bollocks should a woman need to go to the gym a few months after giving birth to avoid her partner turning into a misogynistic, abusive waste of space.

A real man will understand that life evolves around a small baby, and will respect the physical and emotional sacrifices that a mother has made.

Oh dear God. Are there really men like slarty still around? And who've managed to get some poor woman to sleep with them?

I am so glad I am not married to slarty!

he sounds like a complete tool im afraid.

I suppose it's wrong to be surprised still at some of the stuff that gets posted on MN but I am truly at that depressing and nauseating post by slarty. Are you for real? Shame on you if so. Shame and double shame. You sound like a real catch - I hope that your poor girlfriend has been able to get the fuck away from you and find herself a real man. Yuk. I feel dirty just from having read it.

Bothering about "tightness" surely means he should be more of a fan of anal sex than procreation.

Also why would it be only men that were "genetically programmed" to shag about?

Nothing about what he says makes any kind of sense.

He does sound like an animal rather than a man but then that I suspect is quite unkind to animals...

Maybe in his post cum sleepiness his gf should immediately take advantage and head off to shag one of his mates cos afta all we iz all animalz innit...

Slarty

What a lot of utter shit!

Men and women are equal, we both have the same needs, how many priests who have took a vow of chastity, balls do you see exploding from their need of sex... none, that's because we are all the same. No doubt you also need sex every morning as your dick is hard? You don't my sons was like that at 6/7 months old, he just needed the loo, like most men.

How do you know your DP/DW doesn't wish your dick was larger to fit her nice new 'tight hole' Sorry for my use of words but yours were vile and also the biggest crock of shit I have read in a long time. I have no idea how you have a DP/W/anyone.....

'hope this helps' really Slarty?!
All your post would have done would be make a woman who's being abused feel like it's her fault. You mustn't have read anything beyond the OP, because not only is your post disgustingly immature, dismissive and offensive, it doesn't address any of the OP's boyfriend's behaviour.

And now it's been derailed by Slarty.
OP, that particular 'mans view' is not applicable to you or any other adult human being
Back to actually helping the OP now...

Hello, Whats.

I'm pretty shocked that you stay up after he's gone to bed and apply for jobs for him. I'm also devastated for you that you may have to cancel your exhibition. Please don't do it until you've spoken to the council! I hope they can reschedule your payments for you.

Now, leaving aside the facts of your emotional violence towards you and any possible reasons for it, I want to ask you this:- You are a mother of young children. The father you have chosen for them suffers from unresolved psychological damage, is about to lose his job and can't be bothered to look for another one. He's financially irresponsible, dishonest, doesn't take care of his health and is a sexist pig.

I rather feel you're a better parent by yourself than trying to compensate for the above. What do your children deserve?

oops, his emotional violence ...

Slarty, you're wrong. OP, you are quite rightly putting your baby as your first priority and your not so D P resents it. I think that even if you hadn't had the baby he'd still be like he is at some stage. It's how abusers work. They're nice as pie reeling you in, then it's chip chip chip, just little things at first, then when you think that's normal they escalate again. They're not nasty all the time, it's like they go in cycles.

I don't think he's going to change for the better.

whats you need to put some distance between yourself and this poor excuse of a man, even if just for a few days.
It does sound very much like the birth of the baby (congrats btw) has thrown his mojo right out of the window didums he is no longer the centre of your universe and he doesn't like it but because he sounds like he has the maturity of a 5 year old, he's not equipped to deal with it.
The comments he's making TO YOU about 'fit' girls/women appear as if he's treating you as a mate/non sexual, not as if you are the person he loves and respects, he's certainly not giving a fuck about hurting your feelings

It could be depression, as others have said, but it still doesn't excuse the appalling comments about what's happened to you, he's very well aware of the words exiting his own mouth. Even if it was part of depression it wouldn't stop him at a later point trying to apologise, beg forgiveness for it. I've suffered myself with quite severe depression to the point where I was physically dragged to the GP, and while yes, I was a bitch and said a lot of stuff I shouldn't in a haze of anger/fog - I always remembered and felt guilty about it afterwards. That's just my experience and I obviously can't speak for all depressed people.
I hope that you can find a way out of this situation, he doesn't deserve you and you don't deserve to be dragged down and put down by him.

OMFG @ slarty seriously??
OP take absolutely NO notice of what this idiot has to say.
I had 3 whopping big DC naturally and I can promise you I didn't end up with a fanjo like a wizards sleeve, but maybe my ex didn't have a cock as small as slartys
Also your weight loss is fab, well done x

OMG, I find myself in the extraordinary position of cheering for larrygrylls .

Treasure this one, Larry...

Really Annie? I'm not...

Slarty, you are an idiot,

OP, your partner will not change so decide if you can stay and if not get the fuck out.

Any decent bloke would condemn slarty's post and the ideas within.

Nothing more to add to that

I just thought I'd update you all, thanks for all your advice and input (Apart from slarty, Idiot.)

We did sit down and do that writing down what upsets us. I wrote pretty much a list of everything I put in my OP. He wrote down;
'- I can never do enough to please you

• you don't like me anymore
• we always argue
• I will never be good with money yet I'm always made responsible,
• you moan about me smoking and wasting money on a bike I've never used even though my intentions were good.

-You find it impossible to empathize.

We had a good talk about it all. He was completely mortified by what I had wrote down and recognized that with it all put down on paper it looked awful. He didn't realize how much he was upsetting me. He agreed the rape jokes were completely stepping over the line and he jokes because he feels very awkward discussing something so serious. He jokes to get over his own issues but understands its horrible for me as I don't deal with things that way.

With the fat comments he said he wasn't deliberately setting out to upset me. He didn't think it would hurt my feelings as its clear that I've lost a lot of weight quickly and how could I take it seriously when its coming from 'a fatty' like him.

He feels hes joking around and taking the piss more because hes not had friends to go and wind up recently so hes been treating me more like a friend at times.

Hes had an operation between his legs recently and I think he feels a bit emasculated.

Hes making an appointment with a doctor for his depression on monday.

I hope things will get a bit better now.

Good luck, and please make today the last day you tolerate and otherwise excuse verbal abuse from anyone x

Yes, good luck, Whats - and don't take any more shit! You've shown a great deal of faith in him by prompting this conversation. I hope he rewards you for it.

Slarty have you ever stopped to think that it's not that your wife is bigger down there now, it's just that your penis is incredibly small?

OP I hope your DP starts being nicer to you now you've had a talk.

Make sure you call him on any and every incident, should any more nastiness slip through. You don't have to put up with abuse, whatever his issues are.

It sounds like he has put on a lot of weight and if he could get down to about 10 or 11 stone he might also cheer up. Perhaps if he starts to eat better foods and exercise more he might sort out his problems.