Need some female advice!

[MonkeyMister]

Hi,

I'm new here but from what I've seen I reckon I'll get some valuable advice, so here I go.

I've always been a confident, happy secure guy. I've dated a number of women over the years but never been that bothered about where it was going as I knew inside it wouldn't go anywhere. I've been a dick and I won't deny that for one moment.

However, I recently started seeing a lovely young lady who makes my stomach do somersaults just to think of her. All of a sudden I feel really insecure and am paranoid that she is going to drop me any moment! I've never, ever felt like this and I'm genuinely a shadow of my former self at the moment.

We both have busy jobs and work away during the week, seeing each other at weekends. I've no issue at all with the situation as it suits us both. That said, she'll rarely text or ring me first and this adds to my ridiculous fears. I'm quite open about how I feel about her, which is not like me at all. I've told her that I like her and that I'm happy to have met her but she rarely says the same sort of things.

I've already met some of her closest friends and parents and get along with them. She's told me that she is very independent and that she has been hurt in the past. We slept together for the first time recently and it felt so different to anything I've had before.

Sorry for the long story but all I want to know is what, as fellow women, you think about this? Is she interested or am I setting myself up for a huge fall here? Some would say I deserve just that and I can't argue but I'd still like to avoid it!

I would like to think that if she wasn't into me then she would say so. We've already agreed that we're seeing one another so she would say if she changed her mind, right?

Thank you so much for any advice.

Yours, one confused guy

Hi Monkey

The fact that she says she has been hurt in the past is the key - she may well be trying not to get too involved too quickly in case it goes pear-shaped. If you've met her family, then she's obviously relaxed about that and you can take reassurance from that.

As you're being open and honest with her, I expect in time she'll start making the moves (texting, calling etc). It sounds as if you're doing the right thing and I wish you luck. (I'm in a very similar situation with a guy I've been seeing for while and I'm trying not to call/text too often or sound too keen in case it goes wrong.)

My first piece of advice is to take people on face value and listen to what they are actually saying.... rather than waste too much energy second-guessing their motives or try to make them fit your version of the future.

If she is telling you that she is independent and has been hurt in the past then that means exactly that ..... she wants to remain independent and she doesn't want to get hurt. So respect her by giving her some personal space, don't crowd her with texts and phone-calls, don't make promises you can't keep or put her under undue pressure. Be considerate.

Are you setting yourself up for a huge fall?..... only if you rush her.

Sounds like lurve

I would say she is being cautious and rightly so. Don't try to rush things. Personally I love it when the man texts/calls first, it makes me feel wanted.

You can't predict the future, so go with the flow and enjoy it. If you feel you "deserve" for things to go wrong, you could subconciously make it go wrong. Make her feel special and be good to her, but don't overwhelm her.

how long have you been together? Maybe your declarations of love are scaring her a bit.

yes it doesn't sound one-sided try to just relax and enjoy it

Thank you all so very much for your advice thus far, really helpful actually. I don't think I text too much, generally I'll say good morning when I get up and I'll drop another when I finish work. That's it really unless we get conversing which sometimes happens.

I understand she's busy and it doesn't bother me that I don't get a text back right away. To be fair she'll ring me most evenings if she's free.

As for declarations of love, goodness no! Certainly not yet anyway! We only had our first date 4 weeks ago, which makes this all the more surreal. Pretty much my exact words on Sunday were along the lines of I like you more every time I see you, that's as serious as I've been.

Since the first date we've spent every weekend together. I've asked her if she would rather see her friends and not to have me steal all her free time but she's opted to see me and her friends together.

I know this all seems crazy and it does to me too. My stomach is in knots right now. It's way too early for the L word of course but I don't like feeling so vulnerable!

Cheers again, you're all stars!

Just relax and go with the flow x