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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

husband forgot anniversary

2 replies

thatsnotmynamereally · 07/12/2012 10:18

sorry but I just need to vent. It's not that I make a big deal of anniversaries but a little laugh or cheery greeting would have been great after I'd reminded him he'd forgotten. I dropped a few hints, put a bottle of Frexinet in the fridge which he asked about last night and I said in a jokey was that I was saving it for today. He's just so self centered and a total B in other ways... as per a previous thread I wrote about him which has really got me thinking (not acting yet, but plans shaping up) especially at the moment. What I'm really p*d off about is his reaction. He got mad at me?! Said it's because he's preoccupied because I don't have a job and he's worried about lack of work!

Now I'm feeling a bit conflicted feel like I set him up for this as I could have reminded him and I didn't, but still he should have been repentant and clearly isn't/wasn't. But I feel that I have a bit of 'moral high ground' and I'm thinking how I can 'use' this... and feeling guilty as if I did something wrong!

Gah. Sorry. Just needed to tell someone.

OP posts:
CajaDeLaMemoria · 07/12/2012 10:23

Maybe he was lashing out in defence?

It's difficult to say, because I don't think I've read your other thread. If this was a one off, I'd say that it possibly was a bit unfair to set him up to fail. You could have given him a reminder, written it on the calendar, asked if he wanted to go out and celebrate...

It's easy to forget things like this if you are stressed. Having money worries is a big stress, and while it is childish to then try to blame you, it could be that he felt embarrassed and needed to defend himself. To be honest, though, it sounds like your relationship is past the point of a cheery laugh being a response - it sounds strained and stressful.

I have to say that the relationship does not sound like a healthy one. I don't know how you plan to 'use' this, but I think it shows the level of disfunction here. I'm not sure what to suggest - an open and honest conversation about the state of your relationship and it's possible future? Couples counselling? Time apart?

thatsnotmynamereally · 07/12/2012 10:53

Thanks Caja for the perspective! I've calmed down now... and no longer feeling like I need to get back at him back for forgetting. I think he'll be feeling contrite but it's not a good relationship and avoiding confrontation for the moment seems to be the way to go.

It's just that I want to go out with friends tomorrow a girl's afternoon out and he never likes me to go with my own friends (which I know now is typical of his type of controlling emotional abuser) and I thought stupidly that he'd 'let' me go without making a fuss, because he'd be trying to be 'nice' to make up for forgetting. Ridiculous, I know... but things are clearer now in my mind now that I've written it down. Really appreciate this forum!

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