I have no idea where else to go

[lolaflores]

My beautiful daughter (19) is pregnant and is booked for a termination next week. i don't know which is worse; my guilt at a previous abortion, the feeling I have let her down somehow and that she is going through this. I raised her alone as a single mum till she was 6 and met my now DH. i sat in the middle of such overwhelming cross tides about what I feel and what she is.
It is an almighty trifle of feelings and regrets and guilt in my head right now. It is her decision and I agree as I think it is the best for her now and in the future, I simply cannot seperate myself from her in a way.

Of course you feel in part responsible for her current situation - even though you're not. We all want our kids to lead problem-free, charmed lives and look to ourselves when things go wrong, wondering if it's something we could have prevented. I don't think we ever lose that, no matter how old they get. However, she is an adult. As you say, she makes her own decisions and she will have more tough times and/or make more mistakes in years to come because she's a human being and that is the way life goes. You can no more control her than she can control you.

Hope she's OK. Good luck

Of course you feel consumed with thoughts of your daughter but guilt shouldn't come into it, neither regarding her being in this situation nor anything in your past. Did you have counselling afterwards? I'm sorry, it must rake up a lot of memories for you. Whether it's guilt as you say or grief or even some anger, you are able to know what she's going through and offer support, which perhaps wasn't available to you.

My DD is 17 and I know, the flip side of bringing up someone and doing everything in my power to raise her as independent and capable of making her own choices, is recognising that she will very possibly take steps that I wish she hadn't, but it's her life.

Better to know your DD is able to tell you and be there for her, than her keep it secret from you. I don't know who you can talk to in rl but there must be some way of talking about this even years' later, counselling which would help you now.

At the time I didn't have any counselling, just relieved to be getting on with my life. It is time for more I believe when this has be able to resurface forgotten/buried parts of my life.
I am relieved that she could tell me and that I didn't go beserk, just deeply shocked and unable to take it in really.
Thanks for the replies it is really helpful to get it out of my own head.