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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So it's looking like I'm a rebound - is it REALLY such a bad thing?

24 replies

CandyAnne · 05/12/2012 20:52

Been seeing someone about 8/9 months. Madly deeply in love with him at first and everything was going amazingly well. I remember saying to someone "it all seems too good to be true". Well, it was.

Over the months it has become increasingly obvious that this guy is emotionally scarred and rather than wanting ME as such, it seems he just wants someone to help him re-create the life he feels he's lost with his ex wife and kids. Yeah he's always there for me, he'll do anything for me. He'll trudge out in the snow to take my bins out at midnight, he'll come in from work and go straight back out again because I've realise I needed something from shop. He's lovely to me. But I know deep down that he's just looking to bridge the gap that his marriage left when it imploded.

When I first realised I was gutted. I mean, I REALLY like this guy and I did contemplate finishing things to save my own sanity but when I think about it - rebound or not, I've had an amazing time with this guy. We'd done so much in so little time, stuff I'd never have had experienced if we'd not met. Stupid stuff like pitching a tent up in the middle of a field overlooking Whitby and getting drunk under the stars. Buggering off to Ireland for the weekend because there was a band playing there that we wanted to see. All the other little things like huddling up together at the fair, watching seals give birth on a beach together - we really have had an amazing, memorable time and if it all ends tomorrow - yeah I'll be upset but I'll get over it. I'll have collected almost a year of fantanstic memories and will maybe be heartbroken for a couple of weeks ....

And to be fair, I'm not in a great position for a serious relationship right now anyway! I'm in the middle of a degree, always working, financially dependant on university bursary - he's made my life fun. Rebound or not, is it really so bad to keep it going despite knowing what it is?

OP posts:
CandyAnne · 05/12/2012 20:54

Oh and to be fair, I have no solid proof that I AM a rebound - I mean, only yesterday he was suggesting me meeting his mum over Christmas and talking about stuff we'll be doing next year. I'm 90% positive I'm a rebound and about 70% positive that we won't last.

OP posts:
TheSecondComing · 05/12/2012 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhEmGee25 · 05/12/2012 20:56

9 months in and you haven't met his mum? Have you met any other family members?

amillionyears · 05/12/2012 21:15

I am a bit puzzled.
"re-create the life he feels he lost with his ex wife and kids"
Can you explain more about this bit? What makes you think that.

EdithWeston · 05/12/2012 21:20

I thought that too: how long since split and why did it happen?

If she is the woman in his thoughts, you could be second-best for a long time. Do you sense emotional distance? He's a useful and friendly bloke to have around, but is that really enough?

HollyBerryBush · 05/12/2012 21:35

if it all ends tomorrow - yeah I'll be upset but I'll get over it.

in your own words, he jus isn't your ForeverMan.

Enjoy it - but even you dont expect it to last.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 05/12/2012 22:31

when you say "recreate his previous relationship" do you mean that he and his exwife pitched a tent overlooking Whitby, buggered off to Ireland to see a band, watched seals giving birth ....yadda yadda

because that would be weird

otherwise, it sounds like a you are having a good time together, so unless you are trying to get another ring on his finger, I don't see what the problem is

unless there are some other red flags you haven't included in your post

Dozer · 05/12/2012 22:34

All that stuff sounds like stuff people do before they have kids, like escapism from family life, not re-creating it. How long were they apart before you got together with him?

TheSecondComing · 05/12/2012 22:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dontyouwantmebaby · 05/12/2012 22:55

OP how do you know that 'deep down he is looking to bridge the gap that his marriage left...', how did you first notice that? It sounds to me like a lot of relationships do when the 'honeymoon' period is waning a bit after all the initial excitement and new experiences together, breath of fresh air etc.

Are you sure that you want this relationship that much or are you talking yourself out of it anyway (uni/not being in position for serious relationship etc)...? If you are both enjoying yourselves, then stick with it and see what happens.

GordonIsAMor0n · 05/12/2012 23:00

Ha ha you again

I can always spot you.

Chuck him in the boxroom

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 05/12/2012 23:00

FUCK

GordonIsAMor0n · 05/12/2012 23:01
Grin

you lot are losing your touch

TheSecondComing · 05/12/2012 23:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 05/12/2012 23:02

my attention was otherwise diverted

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 05/12/2012 23:03

I don't see you on the sheep shagger thread, Gordon

ha !

GordonIsAMor0n · 05/12/2012 23:04

excuses excuses.

This one always puzzles me. Harmless stuff of course... just puzzling.

She'll be back anyway! maybe some FB photo issues next time.

GordonIsAMor0n · 05/12/2012 23:04

I seem to have missed the sexy sheep thread.

Err where is it? I feel a small frisson of interest

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 05/12/2012 23:05

Find it yaself ! Xmas Wink

GordonIsAMor0n · 05/12/2012 23:12

You've posted on SEVENTY TWO threads today

I'm struggling. Plus I got distracted by the anal tag one

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 05/12/2012 23:12

72 ? Small fry...

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 05/12/2012 23:13

clue : there is a terrible mis-spelling in the thread title and OP would like to be driven crazy

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 05/12/2012 23:16

you have mail

GordonIsAMor0n · 05/12/2012 23:17

Ha - off for a read.

OP- Hope you get sorted etc etc blah

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