Would your DP remember your hospital appointment?

[AlwaysWantingMore]

I'm just looking for a bit of perspective really... I have been being investigated by my GP regarding a suspicious lump. I had an appointment at the hospital today and to be honest it was worse news than expected. That's not really the issue though - I'm being looked after very well medically and the consultant today was pretty positive.

Anyway, DH knew I had this appointment as I told him when I got the letter through. He had obviously totally forgotten and I mentioned it this morning and he said good luck. He hasn't mentioned it again or asked how it went and has clearly forgotten.

I know it's totally passive aggressive to not mention it and be annoyed about it, I just feel really let down by him. He has a stressful, important job which he is pretty focused on and I know that a day at work just means he has had other things on his mind...

I suppose I just feel like if he had some sort of medical thing going on, even a GP or dentist appointment, I would remember it and be concerned enough to ask?! If it was a hospital appointment I'd probably insist on going with him. Is he self absorbed or am I unrealistic about how much he should care or remember about my life? Even my colleague phoned me after the appointment to check how I'd got on (I left from work so they knew I was going)

No, he probably wouldn't remember a general appointment. However, when I was being investigated for a breast lump, he came with me to the hospital - he doesn't work though and is free to come to things with me. Hope you are okay Always and its nothing serious. xx

I had a dodgy breast scan a few weeks ago. DH came with me for the follow-up appointment.

You are not being self-absorbed at all. DH has a stressful important job, and so do I, but this kind of hospital appointment is is a worrying one and I wouldn't be at all happy if he hadn't wanted to drop everything and come with me. And DH has a pathalogical fear of hospitals.

Oh, and I meant to ask, how did it go?

No. He usually doesn't remember his own without a reminder.

I think some people are just like that. Unless I have a visual reminder I am rubbish with appointments, meetings, birthdays etc.

Hope you're ok though x

Sorry to hear it wasn't great news today, OP.

In answer to your question, DH could easily forget a routine appointment, but he would definitely remember anything unusual or potentially scary. He'd have made a note of the date, and would have offered to come with me.

I think if you're not feeling supported you need to have an open conversation with him and let him know how it made you feel.

He would remember. Your DH should have too.

I am glad the consultant was positive. Hope it is all sorted soon.

not unless I wrote it in his diary
and if he knows not to expect me to remember anything about him unless he writes it in my diary

did you express much anxiety about it to him in advance of the appointment? or just that you had the appointment and were going?

Are you sure he's forgotten? Could it be that he's waiting for a more appropriate time to talk, e.g. after the kids are in bed?

I'm not sure. He can be thoughtless, forgetful, unable to pick up on things that are bothering me.

My mum is the same with me, and never asks about things that are bothering me. I think I give off an 'I can cope, don't worry' vibe. Wish I didn't .

You say it was worse news than expected.
So sorry to hear that, I expect you're in shock and you do need someone to talk to. My dh would have come with me, but that's irrelevant, I think you need to talk to him.

DH would possibly remember but wild horses would not keep him from being with me at such an important appointment. I am so sorry it wasn't better news.

My DH would remember. I'd be more likely to forget. Not because I don't care, just my memory is utterly, utterly shit.

My dh, although v caring, has a terrible memory for this sort of thing, and I know full well that even if reminded in the morning, he is very likely to forget by the end of the working day. I would tell him and I know he'd feel terrible for not asking. Do you think your dh is clueless about these things generally and doesn't realise what a big deal it is?

Shatners- definitely would remember, and would worry more than I would.

Is it normal to behave like this? What was he like with your pregnancies/other illness? I have a friend who has a fear of illness and when I've been ill cannot discuss it- she deliberately ignores it and makes stupid unhelpful comments because of her aversion. However, in many other ways she is a fantastic friend and I love her dearly. It comes from her fear of abandonment and inability to confront this fear- she's had counselling (not enough) and even when her mother had cancer she blanked the whole thing out.

Is it possible your husband has a similar issue?

Hi

Thanks for the opinions and replies!

We have no kids (fertility issues) and he had definitely forgotten because he came home and started talking about the football, the dinner and various other things. I have now discussed it with him and he apologised for forgetting. I do feel unsupported. I suppose I didn't realise I needed the support until I realised (if that makes sense!) so perhaps he thought I was ok just dealing with things on my own.

Thanks for all the good wishes - the consultant just said today I need to have surgery for the lump and they will send it off to be tested so I'm a bit taken aback! I had hoped they would say 'it's fine, leave it and it will get better'!! not too serious though.

Thanks

In the summer, I had to have a fairly invasive investigation (where basically they stick a camera up your arse). Though in the end the rests were fine, dh arranged a camping trip over that date (it was clearly marked on the family calendar).. left me to drive back on my own and deal with it (I had no idea what the results were going to be)

It brought home to me how little he cared. Outwardly, he presents himself as a very caring man. My friends I suspect think this too. However he showed a complete and utter lack of care. What's more, he kept his mobile phone off until 6pm (appt was at 10am). I couldn't have contacted him even if I'd been floored by devastating news.

He wouldn't remember it no if I just told him when the appointment date came through, but if I had told him that morning then yes he would.

No my dh likely wouldn't, unless i said something. He would assume that if I had information to tell him, I would say something rather than waiting for him to ask.

My DH has been hopeless about this kind of thing over the years. he never remembered to ask about the DC appointments of any kind and has forgotten/failed to ask about 2 breast lump investigations for me plus other important appointments and tests. Most recently my Dsis had a breast lump biopsy which I was really worried about and he forgot to ask me how she was on her results day.
After 30 years together I now expect him to be rubbish about this kind of thing but it is still upsetting.

I have done the same as you at times and waited to see how long it takes him to remember, but he actually doesn't remember at all until one of my friends or family ask after me.
I don't recommend holding out, it will just make you more upset. I wish you a speedy recovery and send you some HUGS.