Walking on eggshells......

[knackeredknitter]

lightbulb moment.
Walking on eggshells is when I can never relax until H leaves the house, or at least leaves the room I am in. While he is there I feel anxious and stressy, I feel stressed out whenever I have a conversation with him about him. Especially if I have to ask him to do something, or I try to question him on things.
Is that what walking on eggshells feels like?

Yes, that is what walking on eggshells feels like. It's designed to keep you in your place and stop you asking him things and questioning him and it's very effective.

Yep, and it is horrible and abusive.

Yes OP. I especially remember the "having to ask" my ex to do something. In the end I didn't ask

Or having to find the right moment to ask him, to try and minimise a negative reaction. You can't just speak freely.

But there is never a right moment.
Just something I am realising about my marriage, I never noticed it until recently, just tried to cope with it somehow. ClippedPhoenix I only ask when I am desperate, mostly I don't bother either

You've got it in one. If you find you are avoiding doing/saying perfectly normal, reasonable things because you are worried about the reaction, that's intimidation or 'walking on eggshells'. By altering your behaviour to keep someone else happy, they effectively control you.

This isn't good. It's no way to live. I advise a little research on your legal/financial position - who owns the house, are you married, if you have DC are they his? Depending on your circumstances, it might be better to leave, or it might be possible to get him forced out of the house but still obliged to pay some or all of the mortgage.

Please don't waste any time or money on couple-counselling or any of that sort of thing. It doesn't work on an abusive man who considers women to be men's servants and inferiors, and I'm afraid yours is one of those, so the only thing to do is get rid.

Is your fear of a negative reaction rational or irrational, would you say? Do you have direct experience of starting a conversation and being ignored or shouted down, for example? Or are you generally a nervous person who finds it difficult to express themselves?

Oh OP, I feel for you. It took me ages to actually ask someone to do anything at all for me for a very long time, I still don't like to be a "burden".

Listen to what solid is saying. You really can't go on living like this