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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Pregnant - distant partner

4 replies

parisfernandez · 04/12/2012 16:58

Hi

Im 9 weeks pregnant with my second child. I have a 3 and a half year old dd from a previous relationship (her father died before she was born). I met my current partner 2 and a half years ago and things haven't been that great at all. He has cheated a lot and I am a mug and have forgiven him every time. I can't trust him at all. I found out I was pregnant a few weeks ago. I'm having a terrible time with morning sickness and tiredness at the moment. He doesn't understand and just tells me it's ridiculous that I'm being sick and I need to stop it. I can't make him understand that it's just a normal sign of pregnancy. Our sex life has never been that great, 2 or 3 times a month and he has to be drunk before he comes near me which does nothing for my self esteem. Ever since I told him I was pregnant, he hasn't even kissed me or even cuddled me. I go to cuddle him in bed and get no response at all even when he's had a drink. He pushed me away this morning and it hurt. He was really happy when I first told him and couldn't wait to tell everyone even though I told him to keep it quiet for the next few weeks. His happiness lasted a day or two and now we hardly speak. When we do speak we argue and he leaves the house at 7am for work and doesn't return sometimes until midnight. I have no idea where he has been or who he has been with and when I ask him he just says he was at a mates house or the pub. This makes me think he's cheating again. It may just be my hormones but im crying a lot recently and the smallest bit of rejection is hurting like hell.

Has anyone else had similar reactions from a partner when you have told him you're pregnant? I don't think this is normal and i dont know where to take it from here. The idea of talking to him about how I'm feeling is filling me with dread I hate telling him how I feel because I just feel stupid. He will sit and deny being distant and just make out that it's all in my head.

Last night we had a row 5 minutes after he got home because I had forgotten stuff at the supermarket. He said he was tired and I told him that if he's tired now hes going to have a shock when the baby is here. He looked at me in disgust and said that he would obviously be sleeping in another room when the baby is here because he needs his sleep.

Is there any point in even trying? I know deep down that I'm going to be a single mum but there is a small part of me that wants to try and settle into a family in just scared to get my hopes up. He is a lot older than me - im 24 and he is 36.

He is great with my dd when he is around but she hardly sees him because she is asleep when he leaves and comes home.

Sorry this has been so long thank you for readingx

OP posts:
seoladair · 04/12/2012 21:11

You poor thing. I haven't had experience of a situation like this, but didn't want your post to go unanswered. Do you have family or friends close by who can help you if you leave your partner? He sounds like an immature idiot. Sending you hugs.

AsparagusFern · 04/12/2012 21:20

I haven't got any experience of this either and am sure you'll get better advice come along soon enough. I didn't want to read and run though. This man sounds dreadful. I know it must be so hard when you're pregnant and you need any support you can get. But in the long run, you'll be so much better off without this man. You deserve so much more.

It's probably been mentioned a million times on this board, but have you read Women Who Love Too Much? Can't remember who it's by but have a google. Often we cling on to someone unsuitable because our self-esteem is low. And this man is making yours worse. He's treating you dreadfully. Am sending hugs.

TheSecondComing · 04/12/2012 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ClippedPhoenix · 04/12/2012 21:46

Bloody hell OP. The man's a total bastard. Take strength from your child and your new arrival and get him out of your life.

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