trivial question about my state of affairs - deciding what's right in a relationship

[Beograde]

I have a quick question - it's trivial in the big scheme of things.

I basically had my heart broken this summer, and I've spent a few months getting over it. It was only a short fling, but it had all the imagined elements of a passionate romance "butterflies in the stomach". The short version is that we had a fling, and then dumped me for an ex (who may not have really been an ex). Basically, he was a charismatic shit you made me feel brilliant for a few weeks and terrible for a few months.

In the mean time, I've become closer to a single male friend. This weekend he invited me over to his - he'd cooked lamb chops, we had some cider, watched some telly. I realise I feel so comfortable and happy with him, but without all the drama.

I realise that it's this stuff that's so important, and I don't want to lose the chance of something good here, but the risk is that deep down (as evidenced by another thread) I'm not 100% over the ex. I wouldn't want to have emotions for two people, as I can see the damage it could do.

What would you recommend in this situation?

Are you saying you already have a thread about the ex, in which case a link would be useful. Or are you saying you have read another thread, and realised you are not so over your ex as you had thought?

I do have a couple of other small threads on my ex, but I thought I'd start a new one as the question was slightly different

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a1594392-Getting-over-someone-v-short-relationship

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a1622215-when-your-ex-has-a-blessed-life

I would recommend being on your own for a while. What do you want out of life? What lifestyle/career would you ideally have? Then make plans on how you can get there. Don't go looking for the right person, they will find you when you least expect it.

If you don't want to have emotions for two people as you can see the damage it would do - and if you don't want to be responsible for hurting guy No. 2 in the way you've recently been hurt by guy No. 1, then the answer is pretty simple.

Basically, what Fairenuff said.

Hi Beograde I remember this ex and your previous threads. Until you are quite sure you have got this ex out of your system - he's the one updating you with his fab travelogue? - it wouldn't be fair on you or this male friend who sounds nice and normal to start something new. Let this friendship develop and stay at this relaxed level and if necessary ie he makes the first move, explain you are not yet over the guy in America. Unlike Mr Keep-her-dangling-in-case-things-don't-work-out-with-original-partner, you can be sure of finishing with one person before starting something with the next.

If you know in your heart of hearts that this man is just sort of healing you don't promise a thing. Keep it light, there's nothing wrong with getting back on the horse after being thrown but be honest.