ex DP wants me back: I'm unsure

[Caththerese1973]

Hi
it's 5.30 in the morn in Australia, and frankly I'm a bit smashed. I'm under a lot of stress. My ex-dp, who has always had this insidious power to 'lead me where I do not want to go' wants me back. I should clarify that dd, aged 3, is with dp tonight. I'm not a a habitual boozer. Tonight's session sort of punctuates my confused sexual life right now. To be honest, I'm not terrible interested in having a boyfriend of any description. I'm 33: I've only just finished my PhD after SEVEN years, and have a big lecturing job looming, for which I have done more or less no preparation. I ran into my ex boyfriend from years ago (sounds like an episode of 'Coupling'!)at the shopping centre about 3 months ago and he has been, frankly pestering me with presents for my my dd and myself ever since. On my birthday he materialised with DVD player: there has also been a large fan (I'm in Australia, we are having a belated summer), a new computer, a duvet and various cds and DVDs for both my dd and myself, plus occasional cash (I'm on single parent pension) Upshot: against my better judgement, I've reverted to having sex with him. Ex DP would be incandescent with rage if he knew....and he does suspect. In the meantime I feel like a bit of a prostitute, and have no real idea what the gift-bearing ex-boyfriend's intentions are, if any. But I'm so darned poor at the moment, and it's hard to say no to all these 'donations'.
It's all getting very complicated. Ex DP wants me back and insists I ditch Michael (the boyfriend). Don't really want to go back to ex DP, and am inclined to tell Michael to go off as well....I have a lot of work to do: I'm not eating properly; I weigh about m49 kilos and I'm NOT anorexix, I just can't eat for some reason, or even urinate or do anything normally. I'm on anti-depressants, which I think may be contributing to loss of appetite. Didn't really want to go on the anti-ds, as I feel I am more chronically anxious than depressed.
This has been an incoherent and silly post, but a kind word would be appreciated.

Sounds like a very complex situation. But you know yourself that you need to get rid of both these men; they are distractions and sound like they are dragging you down. Concentrate on getting yourself better and looking after your DD. If you are having problems eating/urinating, maybe the ADs aren't quite right for you - have you mentioned these problems to your doctor?

I go off food when I'm upset, I then have massive problems with going to the loo too, as there's basically nothing to pass it hurts.....

Have you considered some kind of counselling???

You know if ex-bf want's to give you presents I'd let him, you did not strike up a bargain whereby you would offer him favours in exchange, he's doing it off his own bat.....

Caththerese1973, dont really know what to say,so here are my kind words with a{{{{hugs}}}}, have a little sleep and think about it fresh tomorrow, think about you and dd and what would make your life happy - good luck!!!

Gosh 49kilos is mega skinny. It sounds like maybe neither of these guys treats you very well. Maybe you need to step back from them both while you get your head together, get on with your work and work out how you feel

Hope things get better soon

You have an awful lot on at the moment and maye you are right, that getting rid of both men might help?

Do you feel you need the attention/affection? If you feel strong enough without it, then I'm sure your life would be simpler alone just for the moment. I always find that focussing on one thing at a time really helps; you may feel more in control of things if you feel better prepared for your lecturing job coming up? Make that your priority for now.

I found that unless I was really really 'into' a guy, it actually dragged my self esteem down to be with them just for the sake of being with someone.

I really hope things become clearer for you. It certainly seems from what you've said that you need some time to focus on you and get really healthy - can you get some help from a counsellor to focus on and help with your anxiety? This would surely enable you to eat better and feel a bit more in control too.

Best of luck.