Female Crush

[LookingForNewName]

feeling a little confused, have nc for this. I have never quite felt this before.

I have always been in hetrosexual relationships and generally feel Im very much hetrosexual. have been able to appreciate the atractivness of woman even to the extend of feeling turned on by images etc, all pretty normal. However I never really felt attracted to any specific other women. But I met a friend of a friend at a pre xmas do and felt instantly attracted to her last night, not just personality but very intensely attracted to her physically. we spent a fair bit of time, chatting dancing etc in the group we where in.

I keep thinking about her today and cant seem to get her out of my head. so bizzare to feel this, I think she is single, have no idea if she is straight or gay. I also have no intention of persuing this or finding out otherwise. but I have been totally distracted all day today.

come tell me what this means.

Are you in a relationship?

no im single

Then see what happens. Might just be a crush, might be one of those new friendship things, might turn into more. If you are both single just go with the flow :)

I'm not sure, we may never meet each other again or if we did I'm not sure I would even know how to read or give out any signals. I would nt know how to deal with any of those things.

I've had this, am married with kids, wouldn't know what to do with a woman in bed if I found myself in that position, but I have had a couple of hugely intense crushes on women. I've not acted on them as I've been in relationships so wasn't about to cheat. If you're single & so is she just see what happens.

Agree, if you're both single, what's the harm in spending more time together and seeing what happens?

Did you fantasise about those crushes mrsjingle at all, I have found my self thinking about having sex with her. These thoughts and feelings seems quite alien and a little mad. If it where a man I would be totally confident and most defiantly would peruse.

I'm not even sure if there was any chemistry as such or if this is one sided on my part. I certanly didn't obviously or knowingly make any signals.

I think this is quite common but it can be a bit of a shock if you haven't had a raging crush on someone of the same sex before. Are you interested in her if she was gay or bi, or are you more just flummoxed as to what this might mean for your sexuality in general?

I have been mostly straight til the last year or so, and I must say I do struggle to work out signals from women, tell if they are interested etc. Whereas with blokes I have no trouble working out if there are vibes from them. Maybe practise makes perfect?

Yes & no. I fantasised about getting intimate but not THAT intimate (the thought of performing oral sex on a woman makes me feel slightly queasy). I've always accepted it but as I said I was in relationships so it wasn't as though I was free to pursue it anyway.

newname women are more subtle than men generally and I'd recommend asking questions about relationships to establish a person's sexuality when you're unsure. No point wasting energy if it's going nowhere- imo.

And sex sorts itself out, as long as you're open minded and up for it

I don't really know onemorego I think I wouldn't actively seek that out, but that would be more from fear. however hypothetically speaking, if she where to contact me, which i doubt very much, just trying to put what worries me into context. then I think I would be interested and so that would make me even more Concerned about what it would mean for my sexuality. I suppose that is what is confusing me, as far as sex is concerned, I think I would quite happily and willingly be comfortable having sex with a woman and particularly with this woman, but what I'm feeling I think could extend beyond a sexual encounter and that seems a little scary. God that doesn't even make sence.

I think on this one you may need to go with the flow. sounds like there is definately something going on between you two, unexpected things like this can happen, follow your gut instinct, if she contacts you, and wants to intiate more time together feelings will become clear what you are hoping to happen from one another , good luck scary as it seems at this time , it might just turn out better than you ever expected!.

There are many out there like you who have considered themselves straight then met a woman who has completely changed that particular idea. Female sexuality is fairly fluid as I found out for myself and really it's all about the person. If you're both attracted to each other you won't be bothered by all the other details

Oh well I suspect I will never know in this instance. I can say I only really felt this before once and that was with my dds father and that relationship very much progressed, lol!

I'm like MrsJingle have a had a few female crushes and was utterly floored by one two years ago (everyone I knew felt very similarly towards her so maybe she was just one of those people?)...if I'd been single I may well have felt tempted to see if it could have gone anywhere, although she is also straight.

We did work in a highly intimate environment together but would often stay late drinking together, cycle through London on random routes just to spend more time chatting, would text all through the days we didn't see each other - all stuff that you'd probably do with someone you fancy, or just get on well with.

We're still close, the constant thinking about her and it making me miserable but the one thing to make me happy again was seeing her has lifted, I don't feel sexually attracted to her anymore but that's probably because first flush of crush is over and nothing was going to happen anyway. I now live on the other side of the world though and she's one of the people I really miss the most.

Conclusion I partly came to was I think female sexuality is more fluid than we think - the job we worked on was a feminist play and I kind of fell in love with all the women on it, I think if we could have set up a commune together we would have done - it made me incredibly happy just to be with them, and we definately discussed sexual exploration frankly between ourselves

Thanks for sharing that girl sounds like a very free and interesting place to have been. Sounds like you really liked this girl. I must say I thought through out the day and even when posting this that it was just a girls crush and I'd be over by the end of the day, but I do oddly feel i could be a little bit in love with her. god that mskes me sound mental.

I even looked for her on Facebook via our mutual friend but luckily ( I think) she doesn't seem to be on Facebook, not quite sure what I would have done if she where though. I can't help thinking about her completely. I probably just need a few days to get this out of my head. I hope in a way she does contact me, but I'm not totaly sure that in itself is not just a fantasy.

Still very confused i think because it doesnt seem to be something i can just shake off as nonsence but All these posts have helped thanks so much.

I had a relationship with my friend about 10 years ago. I was always straight before and have been straight since - I have a great relationship with my partner and fancy him loads.

I'd never rule out another gay relationship in the future, as many have said, sexuality is fluid, and to me, it's about the person, not the gender.

Go with it! See what happens

Hi Looking,

You don't sound at all mental. Those first few days of a crush are a lovely feeling. Also they must feel confusing if she's the first woman you've fallen for.

Sexuality is thought to be a scale, from totally straight to totally gay, with lots of places in between. Perhaps you're just a little closer to the middle than you thought. You could be bisexual, or "heteroflexible" (attracted to mostly guys but a few women). Sexuality is also a bit fluid, and people can move around the scale at different points in their life.

You don't have to get her out of your head if you don't want to. You could try to engineer another meeting, and see if any flirting happens.

Can you pin down what it is you're afraid of? Is it rejection? Finding out you're a lesbian? (It's okay to be scared of being gay/bi - I know it sounds homophobic, but a lot of bi and gay people feel that way to start with, we're pretty much trained to by society unfortunately.) Something more complicated?

MMMarmite I'm feeling much less weirded out today by the whole thing, I think basically nothing will come of it so its not necessarily a big deal. I still feel that intensity but realisticly my head has kicked in and grounded me lol!!

I'm not totaly sure what I would be afraid of, I think looking foolish and yes rejection, as I could talk to our mutual friend, but I won't do that as I may look silly or yes the stigma, she may not react as I would like. I think I would be afraid of her saying dont be ridicules, x is straight and would never be interested. I wouldn't like to make a fool of my self, and a little afraid if the opposite were to happen that I would be scared of admitting to and exploring feelings for another woman and addressing them, I did say before that I could be comfortable having sex with another woman and although that is true I think I would be afraid of the emotional attachment to that and how to deal with those complicated things.

I think also to a certain extend I'm afraid that not doing anything may leave a what if?

I think this is loads more common than people realise / admit. I have a friendship group of women, mix of single, married, straight and lesbian and we call it having a 'bromance'. Nothing to feel wierd about at all. Some people are just attractive to you, whether male or female. You don't have to react in it, but you could if you want to.

Hmm, tricky. Either course of action (persuing it or leaving it) is totally reasonable, it's up to you :) I can see why you don't want to tell the mutual friend, as it could feel like a big thing to tell for something that may not actually go anywhere. You could perhaps subtly fish mutual friend for information, say you enjoyed the party, mention that you had a lot in common with her, ask how mutual friend knows her.