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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

help.. he hit me

49 replies

blueabc · 02/12/2012 01:42

He kept on making really abusive comments all day. Really bad mood. I have no idea why.

Now he went out with friends, came back drunk and hit me. I took photos. Currently locked myself in bathroom.

OP posts:

missymoomoomee · 02/12/2012 02:13

Has he told you he will get away with this when he has done it before? Is that why you don't want to call?

Blue it will only get worse, it needs to stop now.

brighthair · 02/12/2012 02:13

It's not about anything necessarily. You didn't do anything to justify him hitting you
Imagine it's your sister/daughter/friend posting this. What would you tell her to do?

Original poster

blueabc · 02/12/2012 02:14

He has yes. He tells me I'm a psycho, idiot, slag and that everyone can see that.He tells me that he will make allegations against me that will make me lose my job (working with vulnerable people)

OP posts:

goralka · 02/12/2012 02:15

please blue, you can break this now by making that call.

goralka · 02/12/2012 02:17

ffs partners are supposed to improve our lives not have us quaking in the bathroom and being threatened and insulted.

Original poster

blueabc · 02/12/2012 02:17

I'm just too afraid.

OP posts:

missymoomoomee · 02/12/2012 02:17

Please call the police. Do it now. If he made allegations after you call them he will be seen for the liar he is. You need this to stop now, calling the police is the first step.

brighthair · 02/12/2012 02:18

He is not going to make you lose your job. You need to ring them. Are you happy to sit back and let him hit you again? Tell the police everything, tell them how you feel. Tell work if you need to

missymoomoomee · 02/12/2012 02:21

What are you afraid of? He can't do anything to you when the police arrest him. You have more to be afraid of right now. Please call them.

Original poster

blueabc · 02/12/2012 02:22

He's gone now and I have put the latch on so no immediate danger. Maybe he was worried that I would call the police.

OP posts:

goralka · 02/12/2012 02:25

yes well rightly so.
you could still call them you know.
hope you are OK.

missymoomoomee · 02/12/2012 02:25

Call them just now. It doesn't matter that he has gone, he has assaulted you. More than once.

Original poster

blueabc · 02/12/2012 02:26

I'm upset obviously but in some way not surprised. I just don't know how someone who is meant to love me can do this.

OP posts:

brighthair · 02/12/2012 02:28

I don't know either. But you shouldn't feel like this in a relationship

missymoomoomee · 02/12/2012 02:30

Someone who is meant to love you should make you feel special and happy not frightened and miserable.

What has he done before when this has happened, has he been full of apologies, or blaming it on you?

Original poster

blueabc · 02/12/2012 02:31

I know.

Thank you for the support. I'm going to go to bed now.

OP posts:

Original poster

blueabc · 02/12/2012 02:33

Missy sometimes he apologises but never really properly,.he mostly makes me believe it was my fault. That I'm not normal. I guess I believe it too.

OP posts:

missymoomoomee · 02/12/2012 02:38

:( please take care. And remember the lines he is feeding you are just those, lines. You are worth more than this. Its not your fault he can't control his temper.

Take care.

LilBlondePessimist · 02/12/2012 02:49

It doesn't matter if he's a lawyer, or a police officer. 20 years ago it would probably have made it harder for you but it's not the way now. The officers have heard every pathetic excuse in the world from a drunkard standing beside a bloody and frightened woman.

If you put up with this he may kill you one day. I've seen it happen more than once. Please don't become another statistic. (((hug)))

GeekLove · 02/12/2012 10:44

blue
Please call th police. They will have heard every attempt to manipulate under the sun. Stop this now or it will get worse.

mummy2lorenzo · 02/12/2012 11:00

Hi thought I should comment as ive been in same situtation, I kept letting my ex back after he beat me, I had no friends or family near as I moved away to be with him, had two children which for there sake I rang police they was very helpful and got me and my children out of the house and into a refuge, this will only get worst as it did for me, I kept telling myself it would get better but believe me it didnt, please get out of this relationship..

oceanblossom · 02/12/2012 11:39

I just wanted to say that you should not hesitate contacting the police with matters like this because of his job and you think he is believable and will make you look bad.

He knows he is in the wrong and is manipulating / scaring you into keeping quiet.

I have gone to many domestic incidents where i subsequently interviewed the offending partner and believe me, we can see right through it. I have actually sat there in an interview where the person has been so confident in himself/herself and their 'story' and thought to myself "does he/she really think I'm going to believe this when i have seen the bruises/blood on his/her partner".

Domestic violence is a serious matter and the police have experience with dealing with these incidents and manipulative people who in some cases genuinely believe they haven't done anything wrong.

Your safety is paramount and you need to look after number one and there is plenty of support out there for you to do this.

dequoisagitil · 02/12/2012 11:42

Is he a copper or something himself, OP? Don't feel you have to answer if it would out you.

Give Women's Aid a call. They have seen it all and will be able to talk you through your options.

getagoldtoof · 02/12/2012 11:48

My ex started off like this. He took a knife to my throat, and wanted to kill me and I still stayed. I got out after 5 years, but couldn't have done it alone. The police were amazing. Listened to me for hours, understood my wobbles, knew how hard it was for me. Please call them.

I eventually phoned them from work. I told them i was too scared to go home. One of the women in my office had seen my black eye and begged me to go home with her that night.

She changed my life. Please change yours, there is life after this. There is freedom and happiness. You need support though. The police can give you that.

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