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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How to deal with annoyance/ dislike/ irritation

24 replies

Bettybooklover · 01/12/2012 19:02

NC for this.

Lately almost everyone irritates me. I find it impossible to hide- ie rather than smile and shut up I get full of anger and say something nasty, or just sound irritated with them. I know I do; I can't control it. I find myself not wanting to spend time with anyone, and just wanting to be alone. I'm sitting here considering staying in a hotel this week just to get away.

It's DH, in laws, my BF; theyre just all really irritating people. I don't understand why I put up with People I don't like in my life, there must be something wrong with me. How do I I deal with this/ control it?
Thanks

OP posts:
coffeeinbed · 01/12/2012 19:03

Could it be depression?

Original poster
Bettybooklover · 01/12/2012 19:20

No I don't think so- I just think I don't like them and should probably take some drastic action to get them out of my life. But that's a big step (& in case of BF I prob wont do this as she has good qualities, she just lies and exaggerates and criticises people constantly which is annoying) so I'd like to try coping with it first to see whether my gut instinct is correct.

OP posts:
Musomathsci · 01/12/2012 19:23

Is there anyone around that you DO like / get on with OK? Maybe a break is a good idea and would give you time to think things through without having the people who are irritating you around.

You say this has just happened lately. What's changed? Is it you? Is it them?

Purplepeach · 01/12/2012 19:36

We all piss eachother off from time to time. At the moment my very existance is guilty of doing just that to lots of people but one in particular. (Just so happens to be the most important one of all to me) its not great feeling you annoy someone you love. I'd say to let them know you'd rather be alone rather than leave things and be hurtful toward them by being nasty. They would rather be told you want a days peace than to be told to F off metaforically speaking. (I'm sure you didn't do that.) sorry I'm speaking for myself there. I wouldn't feel bad about wanting to get away from things. If it makes you happy and it's what you need to do go, you might be better coming back to all the people that currently annoy you and be glad you did. :-) if not then you'l know what to do.

Original poster
Bettybooklover · 01/12/2012 19:51

I love my immediate family and love spending time with a couple of other groups of friends. I'm noticeably far happier after spending time with them. I dread having to spend time with DHs family, who i can't stand, and I am fed up of being around DH too. I don't think we should be married anymore. I don't like him.

To be honest,, I'm on the verge of telling them all, because I just can't hide it. There mut be something wrong with me, I can't pretend at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bettybooklover · 01/12/2012 19:53

DH and I have spent most this year trying to sort out our relationship (sorry should've said that) so nothings changed as such, I just don't want to be round him anymore. He's not even interesting.

OP posts:
LifeOnACrunchieBar · 01/12/2012 19:58

Sometimes you just have to get on with it? What about showing some tolerance and empathy? Or are they really that bad? No ones perfect...

LifeOnACrunchieBar · 01/12/2012 19:59

So it's your husband that is causing you anger and irritation and it's boiling over to others?

Original poster
Bettybooklover · 01/12/2012 20:05

That's what I mean, I can't seem to get on with it, I just keep being horrible. DH is just one of the annoying people, he is not causing me to be annoyed with the others.

OP posts:
coffeeinbed · 01/12/2012 20:21

Have you always been irritated by them?
If it's a recent thing, what's changed?

ATouchOfStuffing · 01/12/2012 20:25

Tell him you need to get away and think things through. You sound like you need head space to figure out what is really important to you. I'm not really into it but a Yoga retreat or something might clear your head and make you calm enough to see what you need to do? Christmas puts a lot of pressure on families, so make sure you aren't reacting to the stress a bit more this time of year.

digerd · 01/12/2012 20:28

If you know you can't stand him anymore, you must tell him it's over.
My neighbour did that to her DH in their 40s, and she left him with a 16 and 20 year-old still at home.
The boys are 30+ now and refused to have anything to with her since she left their dad. They both have children but won't let her see them, unfortunately for their kids.

LifeOnACrunchieBar · 01/12/2012 20:29

Well, no matter how annoying they are...you need to be able to cope with it to a certain extent. You can only control your reaction and stress levels. Have you thought about their point of view? Sorry if that's a silly question. We are all different and tolerance is really helpful.

LifeOnACrunchieBar · 01/12/2012 20:30

What exactly annoys or irritates you about them?

Original poster
Bettybooklover · 01/12/2012 20:42

Its daft things- ie MIL never listens & talks over you, so she asks you one simple question and you might be able to get one word out as a reply before she's talking over you, answering for you, and just generally fucking annoying. So I just stop talking and ignore her, or give her one word answers. So there is no conversation so the visit is dull as dishwater.
DH- annoyed me today because he can never leave anywhere- he has to stay to the bitter end and it's embarrassing when the hosts clearly want time alone/ to go to bed, etc. today we went to a birthday party with SDd which finished at 1 and we were still there at 6pm, with annoying MIL also.

BF most recently annoyed me for slagging off her brother because she's jealous he's getting married and she's not. She was mean about their big day. It's None of my business, and not a big deal, but I can't stop thinking about these things and getting even more raged about them

OP posts:
Original poster
Bettybooklover · 01/12/2012 20:43

I think that's it- I have no tolerance

OP posts:
LifeOnACrunchieBar · 01/12/2012 20:47

Yes it sounds like you have low tolerance at the moment. We all do sometimes. Key is to respect them as individuals too wih all their faults. May be you are tired or need a break ?

LifeOnACrunchieBar · 01/12/2012 20:49

By the way both myself and dp are the same sometimes and we have a good old rant then just get on with it. People are people and no one ever promised a rose garden :)

Original poster
Bettybooklover · 01/12/2012 20:58

Thank you! You're right of course, I just wish I could hide my annoyance, because I think the situation escalates by me getting annoyed. Maybe I should sleep on it and try and calm down :)

OP posts:
LifeOnACrunchieBar · 01/12/2012 21:01

It's probably just a blip... Try to focus less on them and more on things that give you pleasure :)

LifeOnACrunchieBar · 01/12/2012 21:03

People don't like to think they are irritating others...sometimes makes them do it more as they feel threatened.

dequoisagitil · 01/12/2012 21:11

If you don't like your dh anymore, perhaps you should make moves to end the marriage.

20092012 · 01/12/2012 22:03

It's best to just walk away and say nothing! Sometimes when I feel like that a good old cry on my own makes me feel better Hmm

EdithWeston · 01/12/2012 22:12

I'm another one wondering if there are (possibly unacknowledged) problems with DP, that your row cycle isn't resolving. If there is a problem in your primary relationship, it can all too easily warp your self-esteem and lead to difficulties with others.

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