friend's H and 50 shades

[Lueji]

Not a big problem, more of a wwyd?

I have been supporting a female friend whose husband is clearly narcissistic and has been violent towards her.
She showed me the huge bruise on her arm from a punch in front of him, so he knows I know.

I have privately advised her and sent her links to read about narcissism, etc and told her that she could come to my place if she ever needed to leave him. But I won't push her to do anything.

I have left my ex about almost 2 years ago after two incidents of DV and been very open about that and the aftermath.

We are all friends on FB and he has recently sent me a private message asking if I had read 50 shades.
He virtually never PMs me.
Only sent a poke shortly after the incident.

I haven't replied to either.

What would you make of it? I found it really weird, but have no idea what it might mean.
I haven't met her since then.

"Only sent a poke shortly after the incident." I don't understand this bit.

I'd ignore him and ask your friend what she thinks.

I meant after she told me about the punch.

Ignore it and don't reply but just keep a mental note iyswim.

Either he's insinuating that the DV isn't DV but is actually kinky sex so that you won't support your friend - or he's coming on to you.

I think he is trying to let you know that your friend got the bruise through sex games - the book has S&M in it.

I certainly don't intend to reply. :)

I just can't figure out what his intentions might be.

Maybe I'll mention the book to her and see how she reacts to it.

He couldn't justify the bruise with sex, although another friend mentioned that when they were younger it had appeared as they might have indulged in s&m type sex.

Tbh, I don't even buy it, although I'd believe him to be sadistic.

Sounds like he is trying to explain away his behaviour by comparing it to that book. Which is not making him look good as it's a story about a narc abusive man who hits his child-like female "partner" when she has done bad things like roll her eyes.

PM him back that you've read Fifty Shades, it's very dull and that you think men who hit women are nasty bastards who deserve nothing but contempt.

Ignore.

Cogito - the risk there is that he will take it out on the OP's friend.

I would do absolutely nothing about his message - he is almost certainly coming on to you so that he can drive a wedge between you and your friend. Keep up your support of your friend in the way you have and cut him out of any comms completely.

CG, I would rather post that comment in public. :)
But I don't think I'll dignify or acknowledge his PM.

I might instead put on my wall something from our local victim association about abuse and DV :o

'Unfriend' him then, or whatever it is people do with FB nasties.... Personally, I always prefer the direct approach to the passive/aggressive. Bullies need facing up to.

Problem is I don't want to isolate her.
Not of support from someone who is perhaps more aware of what is not acceptable.

Don't isolate her, isolate him. Keep talking to her & supporting her just don't lay yourself open to more of Mr Nasty's little messages.

Just ignore it and anysubsequent messages from him. He's trying to provoke you into doing or saying something that he can use to stop contact between you and your friend. Maddening though it is, when a friend is with an abuser, you have to remain civil and friendly to the abuser while supporting your friend; don't give him any excuse to isolate her further.