So, was this abuse?

[FOTO]

I have name changed for this because it could be easy to identify me.

I don't know what I want to achieve from.posting this but it is playing on my mind a bit. I just want to know if it was abuse or if I need to stop being a drama llama, even if only in my head.

My mum died when I was a child leaving my 3 sisters and brother behind. We continued to live with our stepdad, who was brothers biological dad. SD found it hard to cope and became an alcoholic, the oldest two sisters moved out and the three left had a pretty rubbish time, left for hours while SD was at the pub, no food in, dirty house just pretty much neglected.

When I turned 13 SD started asking me to cuddle up with him on the sofa, he would put his hands inside my pants & knickers, not actually touching my vagina but just sort've slipped inside. The same with my top, hand up or down but not cupping my breast just close by. He also used to come in drunk and get into my bed in his underwear for a cuddle. He never actually did anything to me though, just cuddle me and press against me.

So was that abuse, or was it just a bit of inappropriate boundaries? Could I have blocked out anything worse or can I trust my memories that it never went further?

I can't talk to anyone in real life because my brother lives with me, I moved out into foster care at 14, a private arrangement and when I got a place of my own I took my brother in. Other sister had already moved in with a sister. He doesn't even remember our mum so don't want to ruin his dad for him.

Also social services were heavily involves with us, they. Gave us a talk about where people were allowed to touch us and where they weren't showing us on a doll. Does that mean they were suspicious or is that procedure?

Sorry its so long!

I think the answer to that is: do you feel you were abused? If so, then it was. Do you feel it has affected the way you form relationships or tust people?

Personally, I would think it was inappropriate boundaries to use your words. Loneliness, but that doesnt make it acceptable, he would know he was doing wrong to be touching you like that.

Poor you, your childhood sounds grim. Yes it was abuse. You were a child, he an adult, drunk or not. Completely selfish shitty thing to do to you- as is all abuse. He had a responsibility to look after you and he didn't, in so many ways.

Maybe get some counseling to help come to terms with it? Abuse and neglect blight so many lives, youre not on your own.

The jimmy saville victims are tip of the iceberg- I'm not surprised so many people are coming forward with their dreadful memories, it's amassive problem that as a society we struggle to face and deal with

I'd say ss suspected but had no evidence- all too common. Children are usually too scared to disclose and abusers don't hold their hands up

Yes, that was abuse. You were touched inappropriately, deliberately and repeatedly by the person acting as your guardian. :(

Yes it was abuse - I am sorry he put you through that.

It wasn't inappropriate boundaries it was sexual abuse and neglect, also abusive. I am very sorry that this happened to you. If you told your brother you wouldn't be ruining his Dad for him. His Dad did that all by himself the moment he touched you sexually. Having said that I can totally understand your reluctance to tell him.

As well as counselling, maybe look at ringing Rape Crisis as they may help with the sexual abuse.

Hope you are OK.

Yes you were sexually abused and altogether horribly let down. It sounds really miserable and I feel v sorry for you. I hope you find some good support, you deserve it. You can't get your childhood back but you can improve your self esteem, gradually come to terms with the sadness of your past and build a happier life.

I would say yes, definitely. Im sorry FOTO.

Yes, definitely abuse. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

To give you an idea of the legal definitions, if this was a current SS case now, what happened to you would be classified as Sexual Abuse, Neglect, and given the fact that you have hinted that you are worried you may be making a drama out of this, Emotional Abuse too.

Please please please get some help for yourself, if you contact Rape Crisi they will be able to help you, and also be able to put you in touch with services who specialise in supporting people who have been through experiences like yours.

Sometimes the process of untangling the events we have suffered can be really damaging, so please get this support for yourself x

Thanks for taking the time to reply. It doesn't affect me on a day to day basis, it just occasionally plays on my mind. I think it would help to talk to someone I just didn't want them to think, god what are you Moaning about thats nothing compared to what some people go through.

OP no one with a drop of common sense or compassion could imagine you we're moaning about nothing. That you are afraid they might is telling, you doubt your own feelings and don't value yourself highly. That is v sad, and not how it should be. Obviously you manage very well but maybe it is time to get some help. You don't have to go in to a counsellor and say I was abused and then relive it horribly. You could show them this thread and use it as a starting point.

I attended counselling for years but rarely talked about the actual abuse. I dealt with daily life because the damage is there, in every strand of life, and talking through situations as they arise helps to unravel the damage. For example, as a child who has been abused, you have effectively been taught that abusive behaviour is acceptable and normal. So although your SF is no longer in your bed, it would be very normal for you to unconsciously seek out unhealthy relationships. You just need to have a flick through the relationships threads to see how this hurt plays out for so many people.

I agree with those suggesting rape crisis. You may be put off by the name as you were not raped and don't feel you are in crisis, but trust me on this, they can only help you.

Thanks so much for you post imaginethat it really touched a nerve because it is true. I have always been in unhealthy relationships. My husband was violent towards me for 7 years and I never thought I was worth more.

Thanks so much for posting I will find a quiet moment to give them a call, when I pluck up the courage.

Hi foto just wanted to say I posted a fairly similar thread a few days ago with similar concerns. I got through to rape crisis on the local number rather than the national one, it'll be on their website, if you have problems getting through. I am waiting for a call back but the short conversation I had was fine and I have heard nothing but good things about them. I hope it is the first steps towards getting sorted for you. Good luck and take care.

That was sexual abuse, OP, I am so sorry x

FOTO I'm so glad if I managed to say something useful. Try to trust your feelings, they are very valid. x