Advice needed - unrequited love

[BingBongBoo]

Hello, long time lurker first time poster. I need some advice and it's on a situation I have let myself get in and I know I am an idiot.

Long story short - happily married for many years, however also madly in love with male friend. Have been for years - he is my perfect match in so many ways. It's one-sided, I know he doesn't feel the same way about me, although we've never spoken about it. Again, I love my DH, I do. I didn't mean to fall in love with two people.

He now has met someone and I feel like someone has stomped on my heart. She is lovely etc etc but I need to know how to switch this off, it's killing me.

I know I have absolutely no right to feel this way. I don't want him to be alone.

Can anyone offer any advice? Or can anyone in the general Streatham area come round and slap this stupidness out of me please ...

I've got a very good friend whos live in Streatham and she's more than capable of slapping the stupid crap out anyone.

Shall I send her round before you make a complete twatette of yourself or lust pine away for something that was never meant to be?

I've been in love with someone who didn't love me back. it ended my feelings completely within a few days when I found out he had someone else.

You don't know you love him. you've never been in a relationship with him so you don't know he is a perfect match as there is no such thing.

perhaps to help you get over it, imagine your DH finding out and destroying your marriage. You would be alone and your unrequited wouldn't want you either as he's with someone.

Imagine him shagging her and not loving you. that ought to do it.

I think that would be useful. Can she possibly slap me hard enough to go back in time and not meet him please? Like Superman?

This is a bit more than lust though. I keep having to run to the loos becasue I keep tearing up. People at work must think I have the runs or a drug habit :(

I'm going to have to cut all contact, aren't I?

My general advice is to start to try and acknowledge just how much of this 'perfect' relationship you imagine you would have is really a fantasy. Yes, I'm sure he's good looking, listens to you (when in the pub/out in the evening) and is generally a all round great guy, but you simply don't know what it would be like to be in a relationship with him, and you may not work together well at all. Plus, he doesn't think you are the best thing since sliced bread, so he's not that great, is he?

I think you have to realise that the fun nights out/chats on the telephone with no strings, plus a large dollop of time spent fantasising does not a real relationship make. It is easier to have this constructed one and may play a big role in your life, adding fun and excitement and interest (and also stop you fixing stuff in your own relationship). But, when you are crying in the loos over it, I think you have to be a bit tough really, love yourself and keep yourself out of the way/get over your imaginary broken heart.

Firstly, sit down and create a vivid mental picture of this man. Picture him sitting on the loo, with his skiddy pants round his ankles, his hair an unwashed mess, a spot or two on his face, lazily tugging on his floppy cock with one hand and picking his nose with the other. Think of that every time you think of him.

Secondly, get a hobby. There is so much more to do and think about in life than 'loving' some man. It sounds like you're a bit bored and need to engage your mind in something intersting.

You lot are brilliant. Thank you. I've calmed down now - and you are right. I do have lots of hobbies and working all hours etc in my life - and spending all the spare moments thinking of him isn't helping anything. Ugh.

You're right - it is a fantasy and 'floppy cock' is going to help ha ha. Thanks ladies. x

It doesn't just switch off. At 18 I met a boy, and the moment he walked in the room, I fell for him. It wasn't just looks but his personality too, he always made me laugh. We dated for 2 months, but I could tell he didn't feel the same. It was me making all the effort.

When he ended it, I was devastated, but too proud to let him know just how devastated.

I still see him out now, and although my heart pangs, I'm happily married, and he seems happy. I was never the girl he wanted to be with, and I couldn't change that.

I'm afraid there is nothing you can do, just try to be happy that he has met someone nice.

Twelve years on, and I still think about him.